Weasel words

I love the way people talk about sex and relationships. And by "love" I mean "hate". See? Everything is a vague euphemism. Some examples of weasel words: Going out with; dating; seeing; sleeping with. These expressions and their meanings are often obscure to say the least.

I used to have recreational sex (what I like to call "sport fucking") with a girl named Kate who agreed with me on these matters. When I jokingly suggested that "personal lubricant' really ought to be called "IMpersonal lubricant" she said, simply, "Fuck Grease". My kind of girl. Alas she was underage and over the top. She nearly broke my nose one night during a particularly intense demonstration of my linguistic cunning. Moving on...

I bring this up because of a conversation I had with my therapist last night. The one I'm "dating". I was wondering why she seemed so interested and yet was so reserved with her affections. She would hold my hand or kiss me but very demurely and dispassionately. I'm a fiery and passionate indivudual and this was starting to get on my nerves. My thinking was "OK, she's a proper Southern Belle but by the third date you know whether you want to fuck this person or not, no? Where's the heat?"

So we went sailing, went to dinner and went to my place. During the trip I learned that the therapist has some damage. "No shit" you reply "You don't say?" Yes, I do. It seems her last "boyfriend" lied about EVERYTHING. Where he worked, where he went to school, what he did, where he lived... oh boy. Can you say "Trust issues"?

Anyway, we get back to my place, I show her around, my work, my degrees (all the proof I am who I say I am for heaven's sake) and get her on the bed. So we're talking, snuggling, kissing, I'm rubbing her back, start getting her clothes off... and it comes out. "I'm still seeing the guy I was with when we met." Really? I'm, literally, shocked. Seriously.

Here I am thinking she's a proper Southern Belle and home girl is a playa! Nigga please! So now we get into language. What exactly is "Seeing" him? Dates? Dinner? Are you sleeping with him? Regularly? Exclusively? It became apparent that defining one's terms is very necessary to have this conversation. It shocking (to me) what people say, what they hear and what they actually mean. So it turns out they've been "dating" (i.e. going out to parties, dinner and such) and recenty had sex once. She has no idea if he's dating or fucking anyone else and they haven't had any conversations about exclusivity one way or the other. She went out of her way to tell me they were "safe" meaning they used a condom. I felt I had to ask what she meant! This took a lot of digging through weasely language. Note: I'm not finding fault with HER at all, just the culture and our use of these words. When I asked if she was sleeping with him she said yes. When I amended that and said "Are you actively fucking him and do you plan to again?" she said "Well it was once, recently and I dont know." I pointed out that there's a big difference between those two positions.

Does anyone disagree that there's a big difference between "I'm sleeping with this person" and "I did it with this person once, dunno about the future"? You have to ask the right questiuons the right way if you want an honest and correct answer. So I said "Well how do you think he would feel about you being here half naked on my bed?" She didn't answer because I don't think she knows. I'm thinking he wouldn't like it at all. He was very jealous of my attention to her at the party and if he knew she was "dating" me he wouldn't be pleased I dont think. I could be wrong though. He seemed like kind of a jerk to me, mainly because he was clearly trying (and failing) to cock block me from getting next to her.

So anyway, some more conversation like that and I said 'Well, you have some questions to answer now. How do you feel about this, how does HE feel about this and what are you going to do about it? So we made out some more and when she was thoroughly wet and hot she said "OK, time to take me home." and I did, without complaint. I feel like I'm making an investment here but I'm none too sure about its long and short term prospects. I guess we'll see. I have to admit I'm enjoying courting her. Everyone knows what THAT word means, right? Trying to get into her pants (and by "pants" I mean pussy). At this point in for a penny, in for a pound. Otherwise it's a total loss of three good dinners, drinks and my Oh-So-Valuable time. Plus I really want to fuck her now. I love a challenge. Whadda y'all think?

Help A Soldier -HNT

UPDATE:
I had to take down the names and addresses due to US Gov Regs. Email me and I'll send you a name and address to send your care packages to.

My friend is a soldier in Iraq. Needless to say they don’t exactly have Quik-E-Mart next door so basic necessities are in mighty short supply. Go the post office, get a flat-rate box. Run around and fill it with as much stuff as you can fit, from the items listed below, or anything else you can think of. Take the box back to the post office, and pay $8.95 to send it to one of these guys.
Standard requests from my friend, and in every package I send are powdered drink mixes, the individual ones you can pour in a water bottle. Wet wipes are in high demand. Beef jerky, trail mix (no candy!) and substantial snacks to get them through long days. Long socks are hot-ticket items; after walking a few days in that heat and dust, there's often no salvaging a pair; they just take them off and toss them. AA batteries, for both their electronic fun gadgets, and their rifle scopes. Magazines. Photos. Other than that, I just walk thru Walmart and throw in any creature comforts I spot: Eye drops, foot creams, sunglasses, deck of cards, stupid toys, deodorant, sunscreen. I know those sundry things get handed around a lot. If your soldier can't use them someone else will need it.

Whatever you think of the war these kids need our help. Thanks.
Oh and here's a little something for HNT. Me in a threesome:

Weak

I chose this picture because google didn't come back with anything good for LAME. As in "I Am Lame". I will now probably come out first on a google search of "I Am Lame" which is ridiculously appropriate. I am weak and lame because all I do here is complain. Can't I do anything useful for fuck's sake? I'm pissed off at the world for stupid shit that's mostly my own fault. I'm alone and lonely. Why? Because the woman I really want left me for her stupid fucking job and I don't want to sleep with the most of women who want to sleep with me. The ones I do want to sleep with are either too beautiful and sane to sleep with me or too far away for me to seriously consider a relationship with which is more or less required at my age for good regular sex. All this makes me want to drink or commit suicide which is more or less the same thing except one takes longer than the other. Also I hate my stupid band. Oh, we sound OK and everyone seems to like us but every club we play they say "We don't like your music. so don't come back." What? WTF? Since when do you know anything or give a fuck about MUSIC?!?!?! We bring people out and they drink your overpriced crappy alcohol and as long as we're playing no one leaves. WTF else do you want? Furthermore these dildos can't say what they WANT only that they don't like what we DO. Thanks a lot fucktards. Way to go. Even my problems are weak and lame. That's it? You have your health, your family, your friends, your job, your sobriety, lots of dates, a nice apartment, a new car, lots of beautiful guitars and other musical toys, a fucking YACHT you don't even USE...WTF! What a DICK! Therefore I am weak and lame. Now fuck me.

Transformer Tuesday

Saw The Transformers and The Simpson's movie last night. Both pretty good.
I hate to be a nitpicker (OK I love it) but I would have liked a better explanation of how the kid gets the car. Let's face it, you buy that car for $4000 and there's no VIN and not only is the DMV not putting it on the road but they're asking LOTSA of questions about where that car came from. Just saying.

Funny stuff

I got into a debate about gun control with my therapist.

I'm dating one, not seeing her professionally, but it tickles me to call her "my therapist" especially since my ex was so adamant that I see a therapist for "my problems." Ha!

Me: "When guns are criminalized, only criminals...blah blah blah"
Her: "There's no need to own guns...blah blah blah"

Etc, etc, etc...

Things were getting pretty heated when this exchange occurred:

Her: "It's ridiculous to be having this conversation while sharing this delicious chocolate shake."
Me: "You're right. I don't even own a gun anyway."
Her: "Oh. I do."
Me: "... "

So we had a big laugh over that. Funny stuff I tell you. I'm all talking the talk while I got nothin' to back it up with. She's taking the absolute opposite side of the street but she's cocked locked and ready to rock. Man. Are we meant for each other or what?

Another funny quote from my sister regarding the boyfriend who's not sleeping with her:
"For someone who's not cleaning out my vagina at all he's being quite the douche."

There's a lot more of that type of thing from the weekend but that's enough for now.
Hope your weekend was stellar y'all!

Gentleman Pirate

Well, It's Friday and it's been one FUCK of a weird week. All good I guess, just weird. I got lots of action which has been sorely lacking of late. Apparently once I stopped holding out emotionally for Brenda the flood gates opened. WHOOSH! It's uncannily ironic that one of the reasons Brenda broke up with me (again) is I didn't want to see a therapist. Not that I said NO, just that I wasn't ready YET. Meanwhile I'm now literally SEEING a therapist in the dating sense. She doesn't seem to think I need therapy. In fact she said the thing she liked best about me was what a perfect gentleman I was. What, so I held doors, bought her dinner, held her chair, held her hand and didn't go for the grope? Big deal. I get that compliment a lot actually and usually I say "My momma would slap the taste out of my mouth if I wasn't." because I think that sounds funny but it's not true at all. I behave that way because that's who I am. No one taught me that. I just think it's the right way to behave. Chivalry and good manners are alive and well in my heart. Women and children first and I'd shoot any man trying to go ahead of them. Most men are cowardly dogs these days it seems. A true pirate captain is kind and generous to women and children but give his enemies no quarter nor asks any for himself. Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!

Another Devil HNT

Another blue eyed devil...born to be a God among salesmen, working the skinny tie...slugging down fruit juice...extra tall, extra wide...OK, so my eyes are hazel and hot, hot I'm red hot... If you look on the right you'll see a guitar strap that's actually a belt. It says SPITFIRE on it and I cherish it. I brought it back from Austin with memories of a beautiful woman down there that I love. Meanwhile back in NY... Weirdness! It seems that the more action you're getting the more action you get. Suddenly the phone is ringing off the hook. I don't understand it but I'll take it. Teh FAIL I reported yesterday is apparently wrong since she called to say what fun she had and can we do it all again. Y'all are some strange creatures, all round and soft and utterly inexplicable. HHNT y'all! BTW here's my beautiful new guitar. She needs a name but she's shy and hasn't given it up to me yet. Ursula is black, Mary is natural, Sonya is red, but Blue and Brownie don't have names yet. I've been calling her "Blue" and actually Sonya's been getting called "Red" a lot. I'm so creative sometimes I want to just come in my pants.