Good news; bad news

But which is which is difficult to say. The bad news (as I see it right now) is that the last two gigs which paid $500 and which I thought went really well are refusing to book us again. Reason? They didn't care for the style of music. They being the owners apparently since the people at the bar were clearly into it. That seems alarming and counter-intuitive but it sent me into and absolute funk. So in a fit of pique I bought a guitar on ebay. The same guitar I played in Sam Ash music Sunday went for $1600. I got this one for $900 (inculding shipping). I'm hoping I like it but if not maybe I can sell it and make a couple hundred dollars on the deal. Here she is:

I also decided that it's time to take action. None of my sober friends want to come to bar to hear us play and I can't blame them. So I decided to find a hall or some such place where they'll let us play (hopefully for free or some small token amount) where I can sell tickets. If the three of us can sell 20 $10 tickets each we'll make $600 and I can start at 9PM, play two sets and make the same money without having to spend all night in a bar full of nasty drunks. That's my plan. Wish me luck.

Sculpture and Gig Review

I got this off http://www.postsecret.com/ - anyone know what it says? No puedo leer El Hebe. I made a sculpture quite like this in college. It was roundly criticized as crap by the sculpture teacher but I still think it was good. So today I feel like 40 miles of bad road. Let me tell you, rock and roll is for the young. My voice is shot, my hands are aching and I seem to have pulled some sort of muscle in my lower back. It's been quite a while since I did back to back shows and I'm out of shape. Friday we played from 10:30 to 2:30 AM without a break. I love doing that because when you do nobody leaves. As soon as you stop it's over. The band didn't even complain! What a joy! I got home about 4AM and woke up at 8AM. Spent Saturday with the 'rents and was unable to sleep. It didn't occur to me until Saturday morning that perhaps singing all night without a break might strain my voice. I sounded like Tone Loc all day! So I tried not to talk too much and sounded all right that night. We did take breaks this time but only because I was using my original bass player (no, not that one. The other one. No, the OTHER other one.). He did a good job but he has back problems and standing up or even sitting for long periods with a bass on wipes him out. My folks came and really enjoyed themsselves which was nice. They haven't seen me play since I was about 18. It was a bit weird. "Hi Mom!" Anyway she got some great pictures so hopefully I'll post some soon. ANyway once again home at 5 AM and up at 10AM and once again last night I could NOT sleep. So I feel like total shit this morning. Meanwhile last night the stress and strain started to hit me. My tailbone feels like I broke it and my right leg is really starting to hurt. Apparently it's muscle relaxant Monday! It occurs to me that perhaps not eating or sleeping and subsisting on Coca-Cola and Marlboros is neither a very healthy or a very sober thing to do. But I love my mania! What will I do without it?!?! As usual I'm insanely lonely and hating not being in love. Teenagers love...love. I met this girl named Karma that everybody has been saying is so beautiful. I didn't see the beauty part so much but there was a look in her eys that made my loins twitch. She looked at me like I was a pork chop. What a nice feeling! Girls hate that but let me tell you it make guys (or at least THIS guy) feel like a worthwhile human being. Men are so fucking shallow. Meh. Happy Monday.

TWO SHOWS THIS WEEKEND!

Friends, Romans, and countrymen! HEAR YE, HEAR YE!

The Gearjammers Band will be doing two shows this weekend.
Your presence is politely requested at one or both events. :-)
Please join us for dancing, dining and fun and as always please spread the word.
Thanks for your support!
Both shows start at 10PM - No Cover
Thanks!
Andy and your faithful Gearjammers Band
www.thegearjammersband.com

Tonight, Friday July 27th

Fagan's Ale House (914) 237-5743
942 Mclean Ave, Yonkers, NY

Tomorrow Saturday July 28th

JC Fogarty's (914) 337-1122
60 Kraft Ave, Bronxville, NY

Artistic HNT

Click to embiggen for full artsy morning light effect.
Forgoing my usual action shots I decided to take something new. I'm a lot more than half nekkid here. I'm fresh out the shower after and hour at the gym. First time I've even thought about going to the gym since January sometime. Tonight was another NO SLEEP kind of night. My caffeine induced mania just WILL NOT let me sleep and with no alcohol or drugs to calm me, well, it was another all-nighter. My mom and grandmother are coming to visit for the weekend, I have two gigs and a wedding with a woman I don't know. That is to say we're going to her friends' wedding. Meanwhile I'm wet, wild, wound up, neglected, disrespected and dejected.
NO (no) SLEEP (sleep) TIL BROOKLYN! BROOKLYN!!!!!! Oh well. The house is clean(er) and I worked out and am going to work two hours early. Fuck it. Oh and I have a studio session to work on mixing the record tonight which will take from 6 PM until about 2 AM. ROCK! HHNT!

Of Liquor and Poker

I'm taking some consolation from the fact that many people seem to be having a tough time this week. Everyone's sort of in a blue funk of one sort or another. Lately my obsession with alcohol has been somewhat revived. I went from the occasional craving to constantly thinking about it. I attribute this to lack of sex. It has been my M.O. to drink myself blind if I know I'm not getting laid anyway. This strategy never worked well but I didn't care because I was drunk. Come to think of it I also got drunk when I knew I WAS going to get laid because by then it was a done deal. Actually I guess I got drunk no matter what. Who's kidding who? Except with her. *sigh*
I went to a birthday party for a friend's wife last night and everyone was all coupled up but me. These are all sober people and man I felt so out of place it was ridiculous. I just wanted to go sit in the bar, stare at the bottles and drink Jack Daniel's until my eyeballs fell out. This Green Day tune pretty much sums me up today.

"Basket Case"
Do you have the time to listen to me whine about nothing and everything all at once
I am one of those melodramatic fools neurotic to the bone no doubt about it
Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm cracking up
Am I just paranoid? Or I'm just stoned

I went to a shrink to analyze my dreams she says it's lack of sex that's bringing me down
I went to a whore she said my life's a bore so quit my whining cause it's bringing her down
Sometimes I give myself the creeps
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me
It all keeps adding up
I think I'm cracking up
Am I just paranoid?
Uh, yuh, yuh, ya

Grasping to control
So I better hold on

Of Agony and Irony

If I had the time and the inclination I'd re-do McCarntney's Ebony and Ivory with these lyrics.
Agony and Irony come together in perfect misery...whatever. Disclaimer: I'm not nearly as bent as it often seems out here. One reason I went all anonymous (such as it is) is that people who knew me were getting really freaked out (and giving me lots of shit) for the things I wrote here. It's a place to vent. When I say I want to drink, hurt others, hurt myself I'm venting. Belive me were I to actually buy a gun and start going through with these things I talk about you wouldn't read about it here. It would be on CNN.

So, the agony of being alone and hating it is compounded by the irony that there's a line of local women who want to shag my brains out but for various reasons I'm not interested in them; mainly because their long term prospects aren't so good. They're too old, too young, too fat, too married, too whatever. For better or worse I'm a serial monogamist. I want to be in love with one person and shag that person morning, noon and night. I don't want to settle for less.

Further Irony: There's a long list of women who I would do anything to get with but who are geographically unavailable. Dover. Dallas. Boulder. Halifax. London. Paris. WTF??? All the beautiful women in NY and I can't find one for me? Why all you beautiful girls have to live so far away? Yer killin me! Fuck's sake!

That's all for today. First one of y'all come to NY can claim me like lost luggage. I will then follow you anywhere. Actually I feel not at all unlike lost luggage. Won't someone come and claim me?

Holding on to resentments

Fuck it.
I am a seething cauldron of resentment.

I resent you for leaving me. I resent you for taking all the best that I had to give and throwing it away. I resent your thoughtless, selfish, self centered abandonment. I resent that my best wasn't good enough to hold onto; to fight for.

While we're on the subject, I resent you for giving up. In sight of the finish line (or the starting line) you GAVE UP! You fucking coward! You lame assed pathetic loser! You quit! Threw in the towel! And for WHAT?!?! NOTHING!!!!!!!!! THAT'S FUCKING WHAT!

FUCK YOU!

I can't abide quitters. There must be a circle of hell reserved for you.
See you the fuck there you fucker. Meh.

One of these applies to a lover, and one to a so-called Captain. In some ways they're interchangable though. They both gave up. Fuck them both. Half-assed chicken shit bitches.