I looked so happy in this picture last year but it's because I was drunk. Sometimes I miss the who-gives-a-fuck guy in this picture but I don't miss the extra 30 lbs of beer gut he carried around. Plus, if you look close at the left eye you'll see the real sadness behind the smile.
I deleted a recent post , an open letter to the former so-called love of my life, because it was just too painful to see it here and face what it said and what it meant. However, a good friend pointed out that the mighty and beautiful Sea Rabbit had given me the advice I need the most in a comment she left on the now missing post. That advice was this: Love YOURSELF the way you loved her (more than anything) and love her the way she's been loving YOU (not at all)!
Dude! I hadn't really paid it any mind at the time but that's some great advice right there! When I asked my sponsor how to let her go he said "Pray for her happiness every time you think of her until it doesn't matter to you anymore." He also said that might take a long time. It makes sense though. If I loved her so fucking much I should wish for her happiness. Fuck's sake though! How big do I have to be? Big enough for that apparently. So there you have it kids. I'm over it. I wish her the best, but we're both fucking someone else. She's gone and I'm moving on. OK? OK. BTW in 18 days I will celebrate one year of continuous sobriety and today is 22 days since I had a cigarette. So fucking there! :-)
7 comments:
Good for you on almost a year of sobriety! One can tell you were drunk in the pic you posted - that's a drunk smile if I ever saw one. You ARE looking so much hotter these days (you were always adorable, but now - WOW!). No tobacco either - you are turning into my dream man. Come to Michigan, we'll take the catamaran out on Lake Michigan . . .
Glad you got laid. Jealous as all get out, but glad.
Take SeaRabbit's advice. It is fucking excellent.
So it seems like you´re coing around again, that´s great! And great job on the alco and cigarrettes. U are looking great today!
I really do admire your strength, And that last pic is absolutely gorgeous.
like a freight train, eh?
So so so happy for you on the sobriety and the quitting cigs. That's a long damn time without alcohol and you've done a stellar job. Also, you look rawkin.
I had to delete my entire previous comment because I wrote "rockinG instead of the much cooler "rawkin".
Glad my little advice had you take another step... and have to add that I never meant it was to be easy... I know it by experience, so I deeply feel your pain... but believe me... taking care of yourself and your own needs in regard of an healthy relationship, first, before taking care of the other 'problems' will only make you realized that some people aren't just there yet... You know what you want... and it is called a commitment... Sadly, some person never get it... maybe aren't they made for that... and I am blaming them to keep torturing, voluntarly or not, those like you who are ready for something else then just the meat package... but, you and me won't change them... so we have to change ourselves... I took that turn 5 years ago... and yes, at the beginning, I wasn't sure of my own strenght... or interest...;-) but right now, I'm just grateful to myself to have stood up for my own needs and requests in regard of a relationship... As I maybe said before, if I want to act as a single, I stay on my own and hurt nobody... If I engage myself in a relationship, well, it is because I want something else than being a single... It should make a difference... both ways... and not only in my yard...
And, do not desesperate... you are so kind and cute, you will find the right match one day...
congratulations on the sobriety and quitting cigarettes oh and for moving on.
for me I am finding moving on has been liberating as I no longer have the angst I was feeling before, no more need to tread on eggshells.
just being me and improving myself for me by going to the gym and joining a creative writing course.
by the time the next person comes into my life I shall be feeling more at peace with who I am.
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