Self Discipline Vs. Self Flagellation

Today I went to work (ate a 240 calorie coffee cake), went to my noon AA meeting (where I ate a sleeve of oreos 10x50 calories=500?), then had lunch (chicken and mushrooms - 600 calories?) got out of work early, saw my Dad for dinner (steak with onions & peppers & some french fries - 800 calories?), went to the gym (50 minutes on the treadmill), flew to the rehab hospital to chair an AA meeting that someone dumped in my lap (man were those people fucked UP!), went BACK to the gym for an hour of weights (and 180 calorie protein drink with 40 grams of protein) and I'm back home now about to mix yesterday's recording session but first I'm posting here. 2240 calories of which 740 was JUNK. All sugar and carbs. FUCK. OK. As I read that back I can see that I'm manic as fuck. I think I'm developing an eating disorder. I'm starting to seriously obsess about food. I think my self discipline is good getting all that done (without drinking or smoking, etc...) but I'm beating myself up over the junk food. WTF? The thing is I really want to have killer abs by Christmas. OK, by New years day. Well, at LEAST by my birthday on March 1st. The owner of my gym said an hour of cardio every day + no carbs and NO CHEATING = killer abs in 12 weeks. Well fuck, that was weeks ago and I can't seem to not cheat! FUCK!!! Whatever. If that's my biggest problem in the world I'm blessed beyond words but I'm frustrated. I'm back down to 180 lbs in better shape than I've ever been. Why can't I ever be satisfied with anything? Why? I have a hard time patting myself on the back for anything. Meh. UPDATE: THESE GUYS say OREOS ARE ADDICTIVE! No fucking wonder I like them so fucking much. Lord knows I never met anything addictive I didn't want to scarf down. Fuck.

Low Traffic Mondays

Mondays is traditionally a low traffic day here in blog land. In fact ever since I went underground my traffic all around has dropped considerably. This is a real aggravation to me but being public had its own issues. Besides people from work and such knowing entirely too much about what a freak I really am it seemed that every woman I dated or wanted to date (from blogland or beyond) had major issues with my posts. I admit I've toned it down quite a bit even here. I just can't take the heat. That's sad because it was a really good outlet for my insanity. Oh well.
Last night I dreamed that myself and a group of friends were taking part in a manhunt. As in WE were being hunted for sport by other humans. I was in the process of outlining the plan to my team "We are absolutely going to kill every single last one of these motherfuckers." when a cop showed up and wanted to arrest me for one I had already killed. Clearly I watch too many movies. I've gotten absolutely nowhere with NANOWRIMO again this year. I didn't even register. I spent yesterday (probaby the last nice day until April) in my basement recording with another band. I've made a bit of progress in the gym but the dieting thing is a HUGE struggle. I'm having a hard time staying away from BOTH sweets and carbs. If I don't have the one I'm craving the other and vice versa. I'm tired of everything being a struggle. Don't drink, don't use drugs, don't smoke, go to the gym all the time, don't eat sweets or carbs...fuck! In fact it seems my only remaining vice (if you can call it that) is sex and I'm getting precious little of that! I'm looking forward to my meeting today. *Sigh*

Cars, Bikes & Guitars

Here's The Right Reverend Billy Gibbons' 1959 tone monster "Pearly Gates". I'm sensing a theme to my blog lately and that theme is Cars, Bikes & Guitars. The only other thing I really care about is sex but there are too many sex blogs already. Wait, what am I saying?!?!?! Never enough!!!!!!!!!!

1959 and 1958 Gibson Les Pauls. Just 'cause.

You Looked Better Online HNT

OK, this is not a great shot of me but Bo, my tattoo artist at Key West Ink, cracks me up. His shirt says "You looked better online." Is that funny as hell or what? Besides being a talented artist and ink slinger he's a real nice guy. Bonus points: he's ex-Army and grew up in Boston (hence "Bo"). If y'all in south Florida tell him the guy with the empty blue burning heart sent ya.

A Man And His Cars

The Mighty Cadzilla

The VW Ball Bus

The Slampala

And of course The Right Reverend Billy F Gibbons, the sharp dressed man himself, with the '32 coup Eliminator from the CD of the same name. Quite a bit has been said about my interest (some would say obsession) with Stevie Ray Vaughn but this guy occupies the same territory in my pantheon of Guitar Gods. His unparalleled collection of fly-as-hell cars, guitars and his hard rockin, smokin, drinkin, and shaggin style make him THE MAN. I saw ZZ Top recently and they were every bit as awesome as ever. Perhaps their last few records weren't the insane successes they once had but they're certainly enjoying themselves in true Texas style and that, my friends, is everything.

That's what I'm talkin 'bout yo!

The ultimate in bad ass choppers, Wyatt's from Easy Rider (Peter Fonda, not Dennis Hopper). For the uninitiated Here's the Wikipedia link and here's the IMDB link. Rent it NOW. This is THE movie for the biker drug counter culture. Unless you count Marlon Brando in The Wild One. He drives a Triumph bike though and it's more of a Post WWII dirt bike kind of thing.

Here we go

In my seemingly endless quest for bigger-better-faster-more I find I have developed a new fetish for cool bikes. Obviously it would be deal to have Orange County Choppers build me a bike, but let's face it: I don't have a spare $150,000 kicking around. There are some pretty cool bikes out there for sale in the $15,000 to $25,000 range but that's still more than I'm willing to pay for a toy. I got my 30 foot yacht for a song and fixed her up nice, so I see no reason why I can't do that with a Harley. These are some cool examples of that very thing from Kustom Cycles.