A rare meme

If I were going to steal a meme from Lime it would be shorter!
If I were a beginning, I would be long ago in a galaxy far far away!
If I were a month, I would be July 'cause I'm hot like that yo.
If I were a time of day, I would be BEDTIME!
If I were a planet, I would be URANUS!
If I were a season, I would be DUCK SEASON! WABBIT SEASON!
If I were a sea animal, I would be a Great White Shark!
If I were a direction, I would be "Yea, that's it. A little more to the right." Or perhaps "Lower"
If I were a piece of furniture, I would be a leather loveseat!
If I were a sin, I would be...I AM A SIN! Now commit me.
If I were a liquid, I would be LSD.
If I were a scare, I would be falling asleep at the wheel.
If I were a gem, I would be a diamond. Expensive and hard.
If I were a flower/plant, I would be a giant and extremely potent pot plant. Now smoke me.
If I were a kind of weather, I would be sailing weather!
If I were a musical instrument, I would be a Fender Stratocaster and I'd be turned up LOUD.
If I were an animal, I would be a tiger.
If I were an emotion, I would be love.
If I were a vegetable, I would be a big ol' cucumber!
If I were a sound, I would be screaming feedback.
If I were an element, I would be gold.
If I were a car, I would be a Caddilac.
If I were a song, I would be a #1 hit wit a bullit!
If I were a food, I would be Spicy Thai Food!
If I were a place, I would be The Caribbean.
If I were a material, I would be hemp!
If I were a taste, I would be chocolate.
If I were a scent, I would be sandalwood.
If I were a religion, I would be sex.
If I were a sentence, I would be "Do me!"
If I were a facial expression, I would be a silly orgasm face.
If I were a subject in school, I would be sex education.
If I were a colour, I would be Candy Apple Red.
If I were a thing, I would be a thing of incredible stength, beauty and utility.
If I were a book, I would be The Claiming Of Sleeping Beauty.
If I were an artist, I would be redundant because I AM an artist.
If I were a collection of poems, I would be filthy limericks.
If I were a landmass, I would be Hawaii!
If I were a watch, I would be a Rolex.
If I were God, I would be calling a do over.
If I were a vowel, I would be...a big O!
If I were a consonant, I would be "MMMMMMMMMM!"
If I were a theory, I would be a crackpot theory!
If I were a famous person, I would be rich too!
If I were an item of electronic equipment, I'd be a cranked Stereo!
If I were a sport, I would be a bedroom sport and I'd be winning!
If I were a movie, I would be Fight Club!
If I were a cartoon, I would be Bugs Bunny!
If I were an explorer, I would be Magellen like a felon!
If I were a scientist, I would be Einstein with a beer stein!
If I were a relation, I would be I'd be a sexual relation!
If I were a river, I would be the Hudson River!
If I were intoxication, I would be tripping your brains out!
If I were alone, I would be looking for a girlfriend! Oh wait, I AM!
If I were a question, I would be "Wanna fuck?"
If I were a habit, I would be a very, very BAD habit!
If I were in an atom, I would be goin fission!
If I were you, I would be calling the men in the white coats!