Charlie Foxtrot

These are the universal signal flags for letters C and F, otherwise known as Charlie and Foxtrot.
The abbreviation for "Cluster Fuck" which is an apt description of my love life these days.
To recap: I am still totally in love with Brenda, who doesn't love me and won't marry me. I am dating Christie, a shrink who is fucking someone else. I gave her the ultimatum last night. "I can't continue to date you if you're having a sexual relationship with someone else. It's unethical and cheapens my emotional investment." I can't believe I used words like that but there it is. I noticed that every conversation with her about relationships requires a 20 minute pre-conversation where we define our terms. I can't decide if it's because she's so vague in her terminology or because I'm so dense OR because laguage in general does a poor job of describing and accurately reflecting human relationships, especially emotional and sexual ones. I really like her but she's fairly commitment-phobic. Another group therapy word. Then there's Afra, the girl who I brought home from the bar and fucked the hell out of, only to have her tell me she needs to get to know me better before we contuine to sleep together. Oh by the way she doesn't want to date anyone who doesn't want to get married and have kids. Uh...OK. Gotta go.
And on and on. Kathy, Katie, Linda, the OTHER Linda, Shelly, Jo, Sheila...all with problems and more problems. Damage, baggage, issues, geographical problems... isn't there anyone fucking remotely normal and right for me out there, somewhere within 100 miles or so?
Let me refine my "suggested requirements" list:
Age 27 - 52
Weight 105-140 lbs
Height 4'8"-5'6"
Body type: unimportant, but be healthy.
Income: 80,000-200,000 a year
Race, Religion, politics unimportant (but no militant whackjobs)
No drink or drugs. Prefer non-smoker (help me quit!).
Hair & eye color unimportant (red or black hair and green or blue eyes a plus)
Wants to get married and stay married
Prefer "has no children & doesn't want children" but I'm willing to be flexible on this point.
Sex drive shouled be extremely high. Bonus points for being adventurous and openminded.
Should be somewhat athletic and enjoy outdoor activity, sailing, hiking, skating, etc...
Willing to travel and/or move

Any volunteers? Anyone know someone they recommend? Most of my readers have seen me half naked and know I'm a pretty good complement to the requirements listed above. Bring it people. Spread the word.