My disease telling me lies again. "Your mommy doesn't love you because you aren't GOOD ENOUGH but if you try real, real, real, real hard and BECOME a good enough boy she'll come back to you and love you again and everything will be OK! But if she DOESN'T come back it's all YOUR FAULT! You're an inadequate pitiful excuse for a shadow of a man and you must now drink yourself to death because YOU are a WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT who doesn't deserve any happiness in your life anyway. Now DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE YOU FUCKER!"
Yeah, my disease is good like that. Shoots right fromthe hip and straight for the heart.
What's REALLY happening is that the sad, sick, self-centered woman I used to be in love with is suffering from her own charater defects which have nothing whatsoever to do with me. The best thing I can do for her is pray for her happiness.
The best thing I can do for me is pray for knowledge of God's will for me and the power to carry that out. But it ain't easy and right now it hurts like a motherfucker. Man, is there ever a difference between knowing the path and walking the path!
Your prayers will be appreciated.
5 comments:
you have mine. I maybe a long way away, but not for want of wishing i could be closer and of more help. hold on x
I left you a comment at a previous post also (I'm been so busy and out of the loop lately). I hope things get better soon. My ex's girlfriend who he was messing around with while we were still together is pregnant with their second child. They are living in a one bedroom apartment near where I live and neither is working. I don't feel good about that which means that over time, we do become able to forgive and grow. Admittedly, it does get easier to do this after you've been with someone you madly love for some time. I did that whole "if I do this better, that better" thing with my ex and all it did was frustrate and upset me further. Trust me when I say that the problem is her and not you. Hang in there! When are you coming to Miami????
Lots and lots of prayers and blessings coming your way.
Life's worth doing.
You can.
Ah! Your disease is a cousin of mine.... but for me, my mom isn't in the pic a all...
It is me... and only me, the problem... Mommy has noting to do with that... she was the most loving mommy of all... the perfection incarnated in a human being.... Nothing, nobody, and so not me will be able to come even ten feet close to that perfection... So, once I'll be done with myself, every thing that is going bad in that awful world will be back like it was in heaven... You remember Heaven? I'm sure you do... ;-)So. it will be back... once I'm done with myself...
None of these lies are true my luv.. None of them. Truth be told you have a beautiful and lyrical heart. An amazing soul. You possess depth and talent. Creative and intelligent.
and ohhh so good.
I adore you friend.
xoxo
oh and there is never a time I don't pray for you
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