Inspired by Lime's post about a conversations with the 13 year old her I decided to do one and got completely stuck. At 39 I desperately want to tell 13 not to do the things I've done but I know he won't listen. It brought up some tough stuff.
39 - Hi kid.
13 - frowns and looks wary
39 - I don't have a lot of time so I need to tell you a couple of things real quick. I'm you from the future.
13 - OoooooooK.
39 - next year when you're waiting for the bus with wet, freezing hair and Ed Gaffey offers you a cigarette DON'T TAKE IT. It will be the 2nd bigggest regret of your life. You'll smoke every day for most of 25 years and will find it very hard to quit
13 - What about pot?
39 - It's not as bad as cigarettes but it's still pretty bad. Your step dad is a dick for getting you high. Better not to do it.
13 - I dunno I kinda liked it. It made me laugh. Plus it's nice having afather figure/older brother type. There are no men in my life at all.
39 - I know but he's a shitty role model. Another thing: when get the invite to see The WHo on Pay-per-View on New Year's Eve DON'T GO. If you do go don't drink Budweiser until you're shit faced. Then you won't start that not-very-gradual slide into full blast alcoholism. You won't waste 25 years of your life. Please. I'm begging you. Do. Not. Drink. Alcohol.
13 - Listen, I don't have ANY friends and everyone hates me. No WAY am I passing an opportunity to belong to a group. ANY fuckin group! I'm LONELY. I can't relate to anyone! I WANT to get fucked up! I hate myself and I want to die!
39 - I know but it's not your fault. If you just wait a while and take my advice...
13 - Fuck YOU asshole. You're still alive and you don't look too much the worse for wear. I'll take my chances.
39 - but it all goes SO wrong!
13 - I don't believe you.
39 - Fine, do what you want. You would have anyway.
13 - That's true! Anything else?
39 - Yes, not all women are hateful liars and whores. Your parents love you. They're sorry.
13 - Riiiiiiight. Later for YOU dick. (Runs off.)
39 - Wait, wait...it's OK to get married and have children! Your parents are WRONG!
When they say don't have children the unspoken message is NOT that they don't love you! Even if it was that's no reason to give up on the whole idea. Stay with Jackie!
13 - gives me the finger over his shoulder.
39 - That went about as well as I could have expected.
That kid hated me and everyone else SO much. It's a miracle he survived. The gift of recovery is you begin to get insight into your own mind and experience the feelings you buried. The curse of recovery is you begin to get insight into your own mind and experience the feelings you buried.is you begin to get insight into your own mind and experience the feelings you buried.
7 comments:
Oh mate, that was soooo cool! I never thought about mentioning the booze, cigs or drugs to my 13yo self! lol (shows you where my priorities are! 'get a bra and shave your armpits!')
You are such an inspiration in your recovery.
Wonderful dialogue.
It's tough to talk to teens. Can't live with them, can't shoot them. :x
good god is that a pic of wee Keyser? You are CUTE AS HELL. your kids will be way good looking (and smart)...
anyway, this post confirms my opinion of how effin courageous you are & makes me want to give you big good juju love.
very much like life where so many things are gifts and curses....again thank you for sharing. i wish 13 and 39 much peace.
I spent the first few moments after opening this post just staring at your little kid picture. So so so so cute!!!!!!The only small fry picture I think I've ever seen of you was when you were a bit older. That was a cool post. I'm trying now, while raising a three year old, to make sure she doesn't grow up with some of the dysfunction I did so that hopefully she'll be healthier mentally at an earlier age. Love U!!!!
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