I'm having a very decadent lunch today. I'm fucking tired of stressing over food. Fuck it. I'm gonna be 40 and fat and there's nothing I can fuckin do about it. I know my limitations and evidently sticking to any sort of healthy diet is one of them. I've been trying like a motherfucker since October to eat right and excercise enough to get down to 170 lbs and 6 pack abs. It fuckin can't be done. I am thwarted at every turn by holidays, illness and injury. 177 lbs is IT. No abs for me. FAIL. Only through surrender and admission of my powerlessness have I ever accomplished anything. Therefore I give the fuck up. Note: this bellyaching doesn't take into account that I quit smoking in September. Most people gain weight. However, being superhuman, I'm unsatisfied with having lost only 10 pounds since I quit. Because I'm, you know...sane.
I've been in a bad mood for days and nothing seems to lift me out da funk. I'm hungry, angry, lonely, tired, fat, sick, sorry and full of hate and self loathing. My best ideas are sleep and suicide. Two more weeks of this retrograde Mercury shit. I hope it goes by fast. This shit is wearing me out.
I am actively seeking a new rhythm section for The Gearjammers. Thing 1 and Thing 2 have once again passed their sell-by dates. I'm way past going out and performing with fuckups. If it's not slammin I'm not bringing it out there. There's too much competition to be suckin it live. It needs to be kicking and that means guys who CAN play and WILL practice. There will be no more half-fast performances. Bah.
5 comments:
dude, you're what? 5'9" and 177. there is not a thing wrong with that. you look fine. enjoy some food already and just exercise for the health of it.
as for the fuckup bandmates, i don't blame you for cutting them loose.
OMG you just made me SO hungry!!
Gads, man, you look great! If you wanted to get to 170 and you made it to 177 that's fantastic. Maybe your body doesn't want to be any skinnier. I understand where you're coming from, believe me. I still refuse to accept that whole "after a baby a woman's body changes" stuff and keep working toward my "old" body shape. I'm told I look good, but it's not enough for me unless I look like I did before. It's a crazy, mad, f-ed up self induced mind trip!
not fat.
no suicide, please.
you look teh HOTNESS.
also, it might be a gentler thing to strive for progress, not perfection. decide what's doable for a long period of time, rather than being overly rigid for two days then "overeating" for two days and winding up mentally miserable.
just my stupid 2c.
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