Cool as a Cucumber

Wait, why are cucumbers so cool again? Oh, hush girls, we know why YOU think so! Now because I love you all so I'm going to hip you to something cool. This here graphical madness is the new T-Shirt I bought from Jon Rosenberg the guy who draws the incredibly surreal and funny GOATS comic strip. You really have to start at The Guide to make any sense of the thing at all but I recommend starting at the beginning and just reading them all. The T-shirt really has nothing to do with the comic strip but it appealled to me in it's WTF-ness.

Bringin Sexy Back HNT

For some reason I didn't like this picture when I first took it. It didn't look muscular enough to me. However I'm feeling too fat and out of shape after Thanksgiving to take a new one and when I saw this in the archives and thought "OK, that'll do." HHNT!

Bad pet

Guns N Guitars...

...Bikinis & Fast cars! Get Behind The Wheel And GO!
- David Lee Roth

The Big Picture

I guess it's time to introduce you all to my beautiful sister Rose. We took this picture (and several others ranging from funny to sick) to give the 'rents and grand'rents for Christmas. Hysterically we inadvertently dressed to match. She's exactly half my age and is about to get her bachelor's degree approximately two years early. She's pretty, smart, young and sexy and I'm happy to be her big brother. In spite of having different fathers we're cut from the same cloth. That's some sincere Christmas cheer you see there. We ended up being great friends despite our parents pushing us to be close. We bonded over their craziness. Common enemy and all LOL Thanksgiving was fine. Friends, family, dinner with all the trimmings...all grand.

HHNT From Above!

Here's a view you might see if I were on top. My abs still suck but my shoulders look pretty good! I was sick all last week and went off my diet pretty hard. And tomorrow? CARB ORGY!!!! After that I'll be back on the train to abs of steel. As usual I ignored the theme because I can't remember anything but more importantly I don't have an iPod. I'd planned to use the portable CD player I found 5 years ago but... anyway HHNT! PS Please read the previous two posts? KTHXBAI!

Charity Begins at Home

OK so my new friend Tracy Anne Hart, world famous photographer, is auctioning off beautiful limited edition prints of her famous photos of Stevie Ray Vaughan to benefit Habitat For Humanity. They'll be for sale through her myspace page For more info email her at thgall@swbell.net or call 713-202-0840. If you can't afford the $7500 prints won't you please visit www.habitat.org/ and pledge them $10, $20 or whatever you can afford? It's tax deductable AND it's a good way of showing thanks for your own home and hearth this Thanksgiving. Thanks!

It's called GRATITUDE...and that's why...

This year's List Of Things To Be Thankful For

1. My Sobriety - this is my 2nd sober thanksgiving in a row. I'm thankful for that first and foremost since everything good in my life flows from that. If I'm not sober I can't show up. Instead my evil twin shows up and trashes the place.

2. My Health - Getting sober enabled me to quit smoking and STAY quit. Cigarettes and alcohol were the two most unhealthy elements in my life. Quitting enabled me to begin to monitor my diet and start working out regularly and lose 25 pounds. Woot!

3. My Job - I may complain (or more likely not mention it at all) but I have a great job, make great money, work great hours with great people. Maybe I'm not curing cancer or making a difference in the world, but my bills are paid and life ain't hard.

4. My Family - This I do complain about regularly which reminds me of the quote "Home; where we grumble the most and are treated the best." I have a very loving family. In Virginia Grandma, Grandpa, Mom, Step-Dad and Sis always get together at the holidays and while they drive me nuts at times I love them and am grateful for them. And also, of course, my Dad. I've very grateful that we got the opportunity to connect and have the great relationship we do today. Many people have no one to grumble about.

5. My Friends - My sponsor and all my AA friends, Mike, Jill and their new baby Benjamin, Lyle, Andrea and the Ronald Rd Gang, Seth & Gina, All of my work friends, all of my bloggy friends, and all the multitudes of women, past, present and future who've made and continue to make my life heavenly and hellish in various ways at various times.

6. My Location, Station and Education - Let's face it: I was lucky as all git out when God was handing out potential. I was born a white male in middle class America with some talent and opportunity for education and I wound up in the top 1% of the world's population as far as standard of living goes. I have a comfortable place to sleep and plenty of good food and water. No one is (yet) shooting or bombing me because of the color of my skin, the God I believe in or anything else. Those things aren't true for a frighteningly large percentage of the world's population.

This is just my short list but it reminds my that I have a great deal to be thankful for so happy Thanksgiving!

Of Jesus, Trust Funds and Recall

What if Jesus refused to die and be resurrected again this year...unless he got a new wardrobe? That's the thought I woke up with this morning. Apparently Jesus is tired of the sandals, long hair and white robe. If he's going to hang on the cross bleeding and dying he wants to look stylish. Those tighty whiteys just HAVE to go! Where do these thoughts come from?

Finally feeling a little better. It seems the antibiotics are working.That's good 'cause there's only two more doses. In my dream this morning my family and I were at a party for some rich people; all very snobbish. There were dogs there; a little Chihuahua and a big ol' shepherd. I don't know what it was all about but there was a vague sense of unease about fitting in. My

grandmother hoped we would and was very concerned that I would not. I really need to write this shit down when I wake. My recall is always much better when I first wake up. The phone woke me this morning though. Sudden waking always wrecks my recall.

My friend Mike was arguing with his wife over their child Benjamin (who will be born in about a month). She says "We'll take care of everything. His job will be to get good grades in school." He says "That's not much of a job." She's from a rich family. He's not. He's afraid the kid won't learn survival skills if that's all he has to do. I told him to relax. She' smarter than him so he'll never win these petty arguments but she WILL listen to reason. For the first few years the kid is sucking tit and learning to deal with gravity. That's plenty of time to pick your battles and shore them up with iron clad logic. I told him that the real question was "Which survival skill did he want the kid to learn?" I also told him that the stuff he needs to teach his son will have to be done when his wife isn't looking if he doesn't want the kid to grow up being a pussy. Mothers want to coddle their sons. Fathers want to toughen them up. That is the way of things. The real problem is that she expects his motivation to get good grades to be the trust fund they can cut him off from. Mike wants his motivation to be so he can be the best at whatever he decides to do. I told him it makes no difference as long as he gets good grades but it's a moot point. He'll get good grades or not based on who he is. Beyond a certain innate talent academic achievement is all a matter of temperament and they won't know that until he's older. So, did I give good advice, or am I talking out my butt? Bonus question: If Jesus was supposed to be black how come you see so few black Jews nowadays? Sammy Davis Jr. notwithstanding I don't see too many of them. This guy doesn't look very Jewish to me.

POWER

I. Just. LOVE. This.

Alas it's too obvious a gift.

These things must be done...dellllllllicately.

With a crop and a vengeance.

Help Me I Am In Hell HNT

I came home from the gym after 2+ hours feeling really frustrated. I FINALLY reached 175 lbs but 180 lbs is my "normal" weight. Anything less requires vigorous and constant dieting and exercise to maintain and STILL no fucking ab love. So I almost didn't even do HNT but I had the inspiration to do an homage to Saint Sebastian and have me bound to a tree and shot full of arrows. Then I saw the flame shirt I bought in Florida and the light went on. Help Me I Am In Hell. Ab Hell. Won't someone give me a cookie? Bagel? Pop tart? What AM I pointing at anyway?

Bonus round:

I included the 2nd shot because I look better in it but the first one really captured the look of the long suffering Saint in Hell. For the record I realize that compared to myself I never looked better and I'm grateful as hell for my health. I'm just whining because I can. HHNT! And just because I'm a phreak: There are two sides to my personality and that's why they call me Mr. Duality.

Hairy chest, naked abs

OK, I'm feeling the ladies' pain today. Beauty magazines sell you impossible body images while porn sells it to your men. No one can live up to that ideal. By now you know my obsession with building stellar abs by the end of the year. The problem is I'm Furry, Fuzzy & Hairy. TRY to find a picture of a guy with a hairy chest and killer abs. I'll wait. Guess what: apparently they don't exist. Evidently in order to have a killer 6-pack I must be rid of my body hair. Why do hairy chests imply a big fat ugly beer gut? Why are guys with no body hair the ideal? I'm fucking talking to YOU fucking Brad Pitt. Is it the same reason guys like shaved punani, because it implies youth? When I see a guy with no body hair and crazy abs the first thing I think is "Teh. Ghey." As a straight guy am I sending the wrong message if I nair? No way I'm shaving, waxing or plucking. That would make me insane. How would it look and feel growing back in? YUCK! Can't I have the body I want without that? For the record I prefer real breasts and furry snatch. Your thoughts? Tonight I'll post some examples.

Whoop-De-Do Wednesday

It's my plan to take a bunch of HNT shots tonight after another vigorous 2 hours at the gym. I need better food planning. I eat SO WRONG! Typical case: this morning I skipped any sort of breakfast (not that I had anything breafasty to eat at home) so by 10 AM I'm fuckin starving. The only thing even marginally healthy in the vending machine is Mr. Nature trail mix. 240 calories per bag (I ate 2 bags) for a total of 52 grams of carbs and ony 16 grams of protein. Arrrrgggghhhhhhh!!!! Soon I'll be jetting off to a meeting and maybe I'll get to eat something yummy and good again for lunch, maybe not. After work I'll go to the gym after which I'll have a protein drink for 180 calories, zero carbs and 40 grams of protein. Alas, come midnight I'll be fucking starving again and I'll end up going to 7-11 and buying a chicken wrap and throwing away the wrap and maybe getting a diet coke. There's always a risk of brownie or pop tart going into 7-11 though AND I shouldn't be eating after 6PM AT ALL. Gah. I need to plan out my meals for the week, go shopping for the food and stick to the plan. I have tried this many times in the past and it has not worked well. Also, everything that's good for my abs hurts my back. The hanging leg lifts seem to work well and hurt less but I really need crunches and I HATE THAT SHIT!Grr.

Romantic Obsessive

I am recommending art by Mike Daigeaun today. Just because I freak out about eating a few Oreo cookies when I'm working out two hours a day doesn't mean I'm obsessive.

I just want abs like these. OK, better than these even:

I have body image issues. When I drank every day, weighed 200 lbs and had a big beer gut I thought "Hey, I don't look so bad." but I was a fat pig. Now that I weigh 180 and excercise like a nut people tell me I look great but I still feel like a fat pig. Go figure.

"Sex is as important as eating or drinking and we ought to allow the one appetite to be satisfied with as little restraint or false modesty as the other." –Marquis De Sade

Self Discipline Vs. Self Flagellation

Today I went to work (ate a 240 calorie coffee cake), went to my noon AA meeting (where I ate a sleeve of oreos 10x50 calories=500?), then had lunch (chicken and mushrooms - 600 calories?) got out of work early, saw my Dad for dinner (steak with onions & peppers & some french fries - 800 calories?), went to the gym (50 minutes on the treadmill), flew to the rehab hospital to chair an AA meeting that someone dumped in my lap (man were those people fucked UP!), went BACK to the gym for an hour of weights (and 180 calorie protein drink with 40 grams of protein) and I'm back home now about to mix yesterday's recording session but first I'm posting here. 2240 calories of which 740 was JUNK. All sugar and carbs. FUCK. OK. As I read that back I can see that I'm manic as fuck. I think I'm developing an eating disorder. I'm starting to seriously obsess about food. I think my self discipline is good getting all that done (without drinking or smoking, etc...) but I'm beating myself up over the junk food. WTF? The thing is I really want to have killer abs by Christmas. OK, by New years day. Well, at LEAST by my birthday on March 1st. The owner of my gym said an hour of cardio every day + no carbs and NO CHEATING = killer abs in 12 weeks. Well fuck, that was weeks ago and I can't seem to not cheat! FUCK!!! Whatever. If that's my biggest problem in the world I'm blessed beyond words but I'm frustrated. I'm back down to 180 lbs in better shape than I've ever been. Why can't I ever be satisfied with anything? Why? I have a hard time patting myself on the back for anything. Meh. UPDATE: THESE GUYS say OREOS ARE ADDICTIVE! No fucking wonder I like them so fucking much. Lord knows I never met anything addictive I didn't want to scarf down. Fuck.

Low Traffic Mondays

Mondays is traditionally a low traffic day here in blog land. In fact ever since I went underground my traffic all around has dropped considerably. This is a real aggravation to me but being public had its own issues. Besides people from work and such knowing entirely too much about what a freak I really am it seemed that every woman I dated or wanted to date (from blogland or beyond) had major issues with my posts. I admit I've toned it down quite a bit even here. I just can't take the heat. That's sad because it was a really good outlet for my insanity. Oh well.
Last night I dreamed that myself and a group of friends were taking part in a manhunt. As in WE were being hunted for sport by other humans. I was in the process of outlining the plan to my team "We are absolutely going to kill every single last one of these motherfuckers." when a cop showed up and wanted to arrest me for one I had already killed. Clearly I watch too many movies. I've gotten absolutely nowhere with NANOWRIMO again this year. I didn't even register. I spent yesterday (probaby the last nice day until April) in my basement recording with another band. I've made a bit of progress in the gym but the dieting thing is a HUGE struggle. I'm having a hard time staying away from BOTH sweets and carbs. If I don't have the one I'm craving the other and vice versa. I'm tired of everything being a struggle. Don't drink, don't use drugs, don't smoke, go to the gym all the time, don't eat sweets or carbs...fuck! In fact it seems my only remaining vice (if you can call it that) is sex and I'm getting precious little of that! I'm looking forward to my meeting today. *Sigh*

Cars, Bikes & Guitars

Here's The Right Reverend Billy Gibbons' 1959 tone monster "Pearly Gates". I'm sensing a theme to my blog lately and that theme is Cars, Bikes & Guitars. The only other thing I really care about is sex but there are too many sex blogs already. Wait, what am I saying?!?!?! Never enough!!!!!!!!!!

1959 and 1958 Gibson Les Pauls. Just 'cause.

You Looked Better Online HNT

OK, this is not a great shot of me but Bo, my tattoo artist at Key West Ink, cracks me up. His shirt says "You looked better online." Is that funny as hell or what? Besides being a talented artist and ink slinger he's a real nice guy. Bonus points: he's ex-Army and grew up in Boston (hence "Bo"). If y'all in south Florida tell him the guy with the empty blue burning heart sent ya.

A Man And His Cars

The Mighty Cadzilla

The VW Ball Bus

The Slampala

And of course The Right Reverend Billy F Gibbons, the sharp dressed man himself, with the '32 coup Eliminator from the CD of the same name. Quite a bit has been said about my interest (some would say obsession) with Stevie Ray Vaughn but this guy occupies the same territory in my pantheon of Guitar Gods. His unparalleled collection of fly-as-hell cars, guitars and his hard rockin, smokin, drinkin, and shaggin style make him THE MAN. I saw ZZ Top recently and they were every bit as awesome as ever. Perhaps their last few records weren't the insane successes they once had but they're certainly enjoying themselves in true Texas style and that, my friends, is everything.

That's what I'm talkin 'bout yo!

The ultimate in bad ass choppers, Wyatt's from Easy Rider (Peter Fonda, not Dennis Hopper). For the uninitiated Here's the Wikipedia link and here's the IMDB link. Rent it NOW. This is THE movie for the biker drug counter culture. Unless you count Marlon Brando in The Wild One. He drives a Triumph bike though and it's more of a Post WWII dirt bike kind of thing.

Here we go

In my seemingly endless quest for bigger-better-faster-more I find I have developed a new fetish for cool bikes. Obviously it would be deal to have Orange County Choppers build me a bike, but let's face it: I don't have a spare $150,000 kicking around. There are some pretty cool bikes out there for sale in the $15,000 to $25,000 range but that's still more than I'm willing to pay for a toy. I got my 30 foot yacht for a song and fixed her up nice, so I see no reason why I can't do that with a Harley. These are some cool examples of that very thing from Kustom Cycles.