Happy Friday

The black one is $1500. The white one is $1800. I want them both and have plenty of credit. Neither guy will take credit. Matherfarker. I have a plan. I will get my friend to open a paypal account and pay him, then have him advance me the cash direct. That's my plan. The last few days have been a bit difficult but I'm feeling a little better today. I have no real explanation for it. I think because I've had only about 6 hours sleep in the last 60 hours my mania is fading a little. I had a long talk with a friend on prescription mood drugs how he doesn't LIKE feeling NORMAL. He takes the drugs to keepo the depression from killing him but he hates the way it makes him feel, all flat and boring. DO. NOT. WANT. I'm a little edgy worrying that there's an impending crash coming. Things have been going relly good with Doctor Shrink since she let down her guard a little. And of course the prospect of seeing TELOML has me floating. It feels like I have a date to see my smack dealer LOL And of course my mom and husband are comng for the weekend AND my gig was cancelled. Sigh. Off to a meeting. Happy Friday.

Mania 101 HNT

Frantic Mania. FAIL. I'm pissed, I hate the world and I want to drink. I'm tired of being Mr. Fucking Nice Guy. Whatever, so after getting all my credit card statements together to plan out how to transfer my balances so I pay no interest while I pay off $10,000 in debt instead I went guitar shopping online and bought another Stratocaster. Don't chide me. I was going to buy TWO strats AND two Les Pauls (one in black, one in white, both with gold hardware). Meanwhile I have only two tentative gigs Gearjammers gigs over the next two months AND we haven't rehearsed, nor have I practiced or even played more than a minute or two in weeks. Yet here I am taking arty guitar shots and venting to the web about my insanity. Nevermind that I'm booked to play with another band every Saturday night in the city. I need to pray a whole lot more and cry a whole lot less. My life is candy and cookies right now. I'm just unhappy because I want a full time lover who makes me feel like a man. Yes, I know the fact that I feel like I need someone else to complete me means I'm totally fucking broken. So what? Shut the fuck up! Truth be told if I had what I claim to want so much I'd probably be ignoring her except for the sex while I happily went on my way doing all the shit I do for which there isn't enough time in the day as it is. Fuck's sake. Has anyone got a valium? The lack of sugar and carbs to offset the caffeine is making me, well, crazy. So I give you this lame shot because I'm still too flabby to take a real one. Fear not. When I have abs of steel to match my buns I promise the goods will be forthcoming. You're all very patient with me and I love you all for your emails and comments of support. I'm not always this insane, I swear. Um...am I? Oh. Uh...well anyway, HHNT.

Breaking Benjamin

I now officially love Breaking Benjamin. Every one of these guys' songs gives me goosebumps and makes me misty. Intense! Anyway I'm seeing these guys ASAP. I highly recommend both CDs. Click here and buy. Lyrics reprinted without permission 'cause I'm big pimping. Also I love the stickergoddess who turned me onto these motherfuckers. If she's half as driven in bed as she is in her life we'll be taking over the world soon. You'll be welcome still. Maybe.

"TOPLESS"
Fruit on the vine.
You get yours, I get mine.
Meat on your bones.
They won't know, they won't know.

I loathe your face, just get away.
I'm on my knees, fuck you, fuck me.

I'm on my way, to feel you, dislocate.
Saving your space. I'm open, wide open.

I loathe your face, just get away.
I'm on my knees, fuck you, fuck me.

Like me, like me, like me.

I loathe your face, just get away.
I'm on my knees, fuck you, fuck me.

Me, me, me
**********************
"BREATH"
I see nothing in your eyes, and the more I see the less I like.
Is it over yet, in my head?
I know nothing of your kind, and I won't reveal your evil mind.

Is it over yet? I can't win.

So sacrifice yourself, and let me have what's left.
I know that I can find the fire in your eyes.
I'm going all the way, get away, please.

You take the breath right out of me.
You left a hole where my heart should be.
You got to fight just to make it through,'cause I will be the death of you.

This will be all over soon.
Pour the salt into the open wound.

Is it over yet? Let me in.

So sacrifice yourself, and let me have what's left.
I know that I can find the fire in your eyes.
I'm going all the way, get away, please.

You take the breath right out of me.
You left a hole where my heart should be.
You got to fight just to make it through,'cause I will be the death of you.

I'm waiting, I'm praying, realize, start hating.

You take the breath right out of me.
You left a hole where my heart should be.
You got to fight just to make it through,'cause I will be the death of you
******************
"SO COLD"
Crowded streets all cleared away
One by One
Hollow heroes seperate
As they run

You're so cold
Keep your hand in mine
Wise men wonder while
Starved men die

Show me how we end this alright
Show me how defenseless you really are
Satisfy an empty inside
That's alright, let's give this another try

If you find your family, don't you cryIn this land of make-believe, dead and dry

You're so cold, but you feel aliveLay your hands on me one last time
[Chorus x2]
It's alright [x9]

Hellhound on my trail

Reviving my guitar hero series, today's post is about a young drifter from the Mississippi Delta, Robert Johnson. By the fall of 1938 he was dead, rumored to have been murdered during the summer, maybe stabbed to death or poisoned by a jealous lover, or a victim of black magic. He was perhaps twenty-three or twenty-four when he died. A somewhat mythological figure, little else is known about him. According to legend, Johnson sold his soul to the devil in a Faustian deal at the crossroads in return for his musical talent. He played the guitar with a distinctive bottleneck slide style and sang with an intensity that was personal and chilling in its candor. No one remembers what he used for a bottleneck but his bottleneck playing was in an open E chord with the lower strings used as a drone-like accompaniment. He was the prime influence on Muddy Waters who told Alan Lomax that he was completely dominated by Johnson's recordings as a young plantation field hand in the Mississippi delta. One of his most famous songs is Hellhound On My Trail which I reproduce for you here. Note that the first line of each couplet is meant to repeat in traditional blues form, but he departs from that on the first verse.

I got to keep moving, I got to keep moving Blues falling down like hail, blues falling down like hail

Mmm, blues falling down like hail, blues falling down like hail

And the day keeps on remindin' me, there's a hellhound on my trail

Hellhound on my trail, hellhound on my trail

If today was Christmas eve, if today was Christmas eve and tomorrow was Christmas day
All I would need is my little sweet rider just to pass the time away, to pass the time away

You sprinkled hot foot powder, mmm, around my door, all around my door
It keeps me with ramblin' mind rider every old place I go, every old place I go

I can tell the wind is risin', the leaves tremblin' on the tree, tremblin' on the tree
All I need is my little sweet woman and to keep my company, hey, hey, hey, hey, my company

As a bonus here's Robert Johnson's death certificate. Cause of death? No Doctor. LOL!

And that pretty much sums up my feeling today.

I have a date tonight with a dentist. Hopefully she won't knock my teeth out. BTW I have a new favorite band of the week (courtesey of said dentist). Check out Breaking Benjamin. Good!~

Weekend recap

Not much to report. Played the last Shakespeare show without event. Went to the city and took out The Doctor to see the band I'll be playing with henceforth on Saturday nights at Cafe Blue 2nd ave and 7th street NYC. They were OK. Guitarist I'm replacing was very good. Ate at Virage next door. There was a bit of tension at the end of the night. It went like this:

Shall I stay?
OK, but no sex.
Fuck it I'm leaving.
Too bad.
Wait a minute, I changed my mind, I'm staying.
Sex

So, does she just not say what she means? Is she unaware of her own motivations and limitations? Am I just that persuasive? Who the fuck knows? Don't care. I have at least two much better looking dates this week. She's committment phobic so I feel perfect justified in continuing to look.

What's on a man's mind

As if you didn't know! I was surprised at the reaction to yesterday's post. A lot of people felt they were somehow "ruled out" just because I was expressing a preference for a certain physical type. That's interesting. When I say that these particular women are "My Type" what I mean by that is I am likely to be attracted to that physical type ALL OTHER FACTORS EXCLUDED. That just means walking down the street she's the one I'd look at first. There are many other factors that make an attractive woman besides her shape and hair color. Zoely pointed out that the doctor doesn't fit the type and that was why I put her in there. She's the anti-type (physically) but I like her anyway. Stealth had an interesting reaction. She wanted to know how she (being more or less the opposite of all my 'criteria' in her opinion) managed to capture my heart anyway. Stealth is a special case. Firstly, she absolutely meets the definition of a spinner LOL. She's VERY attractive, especially her face. That right there trumps everything else. Besides that (but equally if not more important) she's brilliant and loving. More with the trumping of made up criteria. Finally, that list is what I'm sort of looking for NOW. When I met Stealth I was a different person in a different place mentally and emotionally. The point is that people change; their attitudes, their styles, their wants and desires. When I was a kid all I wanted was a woman to make me cum. I didn't care about anything else. As an adult I'm looking for the best mate I can get but that doesn't mean I'm not interested at all in anyone who doesn't measure up to some perfect ideal. That would be a recipe for disaster. No one and nothing in the life is ever perfect. You just try do the best you can and most importantly NEVER GIVE UP.
That's my message to you today. Thanks for reading. I love you all fine peoples.

I Can Haz D8z? HHNT!

Miss Thing 1

Miss Thing 2

I've been chasing these two women across the internet for several months and finally, out of the blue, they both agreed to dates next week. They both fit the aforementioned criteria pretty well. Shorter than me, lighter than me, unmarried, no kids, near my income level who love to fuck all the time...wow! Actually I'm not yet sure about that last bit but they look the part, no?
To bring back a quote from my last post because it makes me laugh every time: "All I want is a rich, beautiful, smart and sane woman to love me and cherish me until death do us part so I can do the same for her. That's not so far fetched, is it? Hello? Is this thing on?" HHNT!

OK, OK, I know I'm gonna hear about this so..if I can be said to have "a type" this is probably it. Brenda had that same look. Petite, fair, elfin...so I like spinners! Sue me. Hi Susie! And Stealth. And Vixen....ahem...

Bonus: The shrink

LUST

LUST is the name if this really awesome image I ganked from this group of really awesome artists that I highly recommend you check out. It's also the title of today's post because it is far and away my number one character defect. I went on a bit yesterday about how my self esteem depends on who I'm fucking, how young, beautiful and when I'm not in a monogamous relationship (which ain't often) how numerous they are. Funny thing is I WANT to be in a monogamous relationship. Besides the obvious health hazards of multiple partners it's a hassle scheduling them all in and paying them all just enough attention to keep them fucking me without breaking the bank or my dick off. And then there's the bite marks, scratches, etc, etc... Oy. But I digress. It all relates to ladder theory. We all want to be with the richest, smartest, most beautiful person and sanest person we can be with, right? Unfortunately those are often mutually exclusive. By and large the prettier they are the dumber they are (women) and likewise the richer the uglier (men). I'm generalizing here but that's OK because we know that all generalizations are false. Including that one. Also, if they DO happen to be rich, smart and pretty the likelihood of insanity goes up in direct proportion to the quality of those attributes. Sometimes they're poor, dumb, ugly AND insane and we end up fucking them anyway because we are so fucking horny all the time. And by WE I mean US. Our name is Legion! Ahem. Where were we? So anyway all I want is a rich, beautiful, smart and sane woman to love me and cherish me until death do us part so I can do the same for her. That's not so far fetched, is it? Hello? Is this thing on?

Speaking of insanity, a certain friend of mine is sexy, an absolutely totally fabulous panic in bed, and smart as a whip. Alas, she is trapped in an unhappy marriage by fear AND the irrational belief that, because she doesn't look like the anorexic 17 year old incest victims in Marie Claire, she's ugly. Those close to her know this weakness and use it to hurt her and she actually BELIEVES these people when they tell her she's ugly or that other people think she is. Silly rabbit! What other people think about you is OF NO CONSEQUENCE. The ONLY thing that matters is what YOU think about you. Also, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. And for the nothing that it's worth (see previous statement) I think you're fabulous and you have great taste in shoes. I still hate the tan dress. That is all.

Randomness

As usual I'm thinking about sex. This graphic came up while I was searching for Charlie Foxtrot yesterday and it made me laugh. I hope it has the same effect on you.

Then we have an old favorite from my A-list blogger buddy Hugh at http://www.gapingvoid.com/ I'm tempted to modify it to say Andy but I have neither the time nor the software handy.

I'm not as much of an asshole lately. Because I don't drink anymore I'm less cranky because I'm not hungover all the time. Because I'm trying to improve my spiritual condition in an effort to stay sober I'm less selfish and I try even harder than normal to be nice to other people and more useful to God and my fellow man. I'm trying very hard to be honest and forthright in my emotional and sexual relationships although frankly that's not paying off nearly as well or as quickly as the other changes. As a result I'm much fussier about who I'll have sex with and under what conditions. This may be keeping my spiritual condition more fit but my mental state is getting precarious. That's because I judge myself by how much sex I'm getting and how hot and how numerous my partners are. My self esteem is largely dependent on this. I am who I fuck. That's COMPLETELY WRONG! Nevertheless it is still a fact. I guess that's at least partially because during my formative years (being a sensitive non-jock) basically everyone publicly accused me of being a homosexual in that high school "You're a faggot" kind of way. Virtually none of the girls in school would admit to liking me, much less being my girlfriend.
It's ironic that between the ages of 14 and 18 I probably had more sex than my entire graduating class. I had several older lovers and screwed dozens and dozens of hot women but I was already broken in my head. It was never enough. They were never hot enough, it was never kinky enough, there were never enough of them often enough. more more more more more. What the hell was I trying to prove? That I really was straight, lovable, human? Why the hell am I still trying to prove that now? And to whom? Me? Apparently. What I think of myself really only matters to me but it's paramount to being sane and healthy which, of course, makes one far more attractive. And yet I am still selfish and needy, demanding ever more sex from ever more women and STILL it's not enough. If they reject me for any reason I become bitter and vengeful and why? Because it makes me feel unloved and unlovable, insufficient and wanting. Mommy doesn't love me enough and is abandoning me again. Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.
Can I just tell you that this sort of self examination is in no wise comfortable or enjoyable? Can you imagine how much easier it would be to go get drunk, bring home two drunken sluts and turn them out 6 ways from Sunday, and send them home again? And then boast about it? See? I'm A MAN! A REAL POWERFUL AND VIRILE WORTHWHILE MAN! LOVE ME! Yeesh. Unfortunately drunken women are no longer attractive. They don't smell or taste good and it's a lot harder to make them come. Therefore I have to man up, big up meself and exude such peace, serenity and confidence that beautiful and worthwhile women will come around and court ME. Yeah, there I go with my fantasies of being a superhero again. Why can't I be content to just be normal? I guess I got so abused for being abnormal (meaning smart) in school that it became a point of pride. I'll be proud of being a non-conformist freak! Then they can't hurt me by calling me a freak. The logical conclusion to that is to become as much of a freak as I could. And I did. Even now the idea of being "normal" scares me. Meh. I think too much and I have a meeting to chair. "The first rule of fight club is..."

Charlie Foxtrot

These are the universal signal flags for letters C and F, otherwise known as Charlie and Foxtrot.
The abbreviation for "Cluster Fuck" which is an apt description of my love life these days.
To recap: I am still totally in love with Brenda, who doesn't love me and won't marry me. I am dating Christie, a shrink who is fucking someone else. I gave her the ultimatum last night. "I can't continue to date you if you're having a sexual relationship with someone else. It's unethical and cheapens my emotional investment." I can't believe I used words like that but there it is. I noticed that every conversation with her about relationships requires a 20 minute pre-conversation where we define our terms. I can't decide if it's because she's so vague in her terminology or because I'm so dense OR because laguage in general does a poor job of describing and accurately reflecting human relationships, especially emotional and sexual ones. I really like her but she's fairly commitment-phobic. Another group therapy word. Then there's Afra, the girl who I brought home from the bar and fucked the hell out of, only to have her tell me she needs to get to know me better before we contuine to sleep together. Oh by the way she doesn't want to date anyone who doesn't want to get married and have kids. Uh...OK. Gotta go.
And on and on. Kathy, Katie, Linda, the OTHER Linda, Shelly, Jo, Sheila...all with problems and more problems. Damage, baggage, issues, geographical problems... isn't there anyone fucking remotely normal and right for me out there, somewhere within 100 miles or so?
Let me refine my "suggested requirements" list:
Age 27 - 52
Weight 105-140 lbs
Height 4'8"-5'6"
Body type: unimportant, but be healthy.
Income: 80,000-200,000 a year
Race, Religion, politics unimportant (but no militant whackjobs)
No drink or drugs. Prefer non-smoker (help me quit!).
Hair & eye color unimportant (red or black hair and green or blue eyes a plus)
Wants to get married and stay married
Prefer "has no children & doesn't want children" but I'm willing to be flexible on this point.
Sex drive shouled be extremely high. Bonus points for being adventurous and openminded.
Should be somewhat athletic and enjoy outdoor activity, sailing, hiking, skating, etc...
Willing to travel and/or move

Any volunteers? Anyone know someone they recommend? Most of my readers have seen me half naked and know I'm a pretty good complement to the requirements listed above. Bring it people. Spread the word.

Weasel words

I love the way people talk about sex and relationships. And by "love" I mean "hate". See? Everything is a vague euphemism. Some examples of weasel words: Going out with; dating; seeing; sleeping with. These expressions and their meanings are often obscure to say the least.

I used to have recreational sex (what I like to call "sport fucking") with a girl named Kate who agreed with me on these matters. When I jokingly suggested that "personal lubricant' really ought to be called "IMpersonal lubricant" she said, simply, "Fuck Grease". My kind of girl. Alas she was underage and over the top. She nearly broke my nose one night during a particularly intense demonstration of my linguistic cunning. Moving on...

I bring this up because of a conversation I had with my therapist last night. The one I'm "dating". I was wondering why she seemed so interested and yet was so reserved with her affections. She would hold my hand or kiss me but very demurely and dispassionately. I'm a fiery and passionate indivudual and this was starting to get on my nerves. My thinking was "OK, she's a proper Southern Belle but by the third date you know whether you want to fuck this person or not, no? Where's the heat?"

So we went sailing, went to dinner and went to my place. During the trip I learned that the therapist has some damage. "No shit" you reply "You don't say?" Yes, I do. It seems her last "boyfriend" lied about EVERYTHING. Where he worked, where he went to school, what he did, where he lived... oh boy. Can you say "Trust issues"?

Anyway, we get back to my place, I show her around, my work, my degrees (all the proof I am who I say I am for heaven's sake) and get her on the bed. So we're talking, snuggling, kissing, I'm rubbing her back, start getting her clothes off... and it comes out. "I'm still seeing the guy I was with when we met." Really? I'm, literally, shocked. Seriously.

Here I am thinking she's a proper Southern Belle and home girl is a playa! Nigga please! So now we get into language. What exactly is "Seeing" him? Dates? Dinner? Are you sleeping with him? Regularly? Exclusively? It became apparent that defining one's terms is very necessary to have this conversation. It shocking (to me) what people say, what they hear and what they actually mean. So it turns out they've been "dating" (i.e. going out to parties, dinner and such) and recenty had sex once. She has no idea if he's dating or fucking anyone else and they haven't had any conversations about exclusivity one way or the other. She went out of her way to tell me they were "safe" meaning they used a condom. I felt I had to ask what she meant! This took a lot of digging through weasely language. Note: I'm not finding fault with HER at all, just the culture and our use of these words. When I asked if she was sleeping with him she said yes. When I amended that and said "Are you actively fucking him and do you plan to again?" she said "Well it was once, recently and I dont know." I pointed out that there's a big difference between those two positions.

Does anyone disagree that there's a big difference between "I'm sleeping with this person" and "I did it with this person once, dunno about the future"? You have to ask the right questiuons the right way if you want an honest and correct answer. So I said "Well how do you think he would feel about you being here half naked on my bed?" She didn't answer because I don't think she knows. I'm thinking he wouldn't like it at all. He was very jealous of my attention to her at the party and if he knew she was "dating" me he wouldn't be pleased I dont think. I could be wrong though. He seemed like kind of a jerk to me, mainly because he was clearly trying (and failing) to cock block me from getting next to her.

So anyway, some more conversation like that and I said 'Well, you have some questions to answer now. How do you feel about this, how does HE feel about this and what are you going to do about it? So we made out some more and when she was thoroughly wet and hot she said "OK, time to take me home." and I did, without complaint. I feel like I'm making an investment here but I'm none too sure about its long and short term prospects. I guess we'll see. I have to admit I'm enjoying courting her. Everyone knows what THAT word means, right? Trying to get into her pants (and by "pants" I mean pussy). At this point in for a penny, in for a pound. Otherwise it's a total loss of three good dinners, drinks and my Oh-So-Valuable time. Plus I really want to fuck her now. I love a challenge. Whadda y'all think?

Help A Soldier -HNT

UPDATE:
I had to take down the names and addresses due to US Gov Regs. Email me and I'll send you a name and address to send your care packages to.

My friend is a soldier in Iraq. Needless to say they don’t exactly have Quik-E-Mart next door so basic necessities are in mighty short supply. Go the post office, get a flat-rate box. Run around and fill it with as much stuff as you can fit, from the items listed below, or anything else you can think of. Take the box back to the post office, and pay $8.95 to send it to one of these guys.
Standard requests from my friend, and in every package I send are powdered drink mixes, the individual ones you can pour in a water bottle. Wet wipes are in high demand. Beef jerky, trail mix (no candy!) and substantial snacks to get them through long days. Long socks are hot-ticket items; after walking a few days in that heat and dust, there's often no salvaging a pair; they just take them off and toss them. AA batteries, for both their electronic fun gadgets, and their rifle scopes. Magazines. Photos. Other than that, I just walk thru Walmart and throw in any creature comforts I spot: Eye drops, foot creams, sunglasses, deck of cards, stupid toys, deodorant, sunscreen. I know those sundry things get handed around a lot. If your soldier can't use them someone else will need it.

Whatever you think of the war these kids need our help. Thanks.
Oh and here's a little something for HNT. Me in a threesome:

Weak

I chose this picture because google didn't come back with anything good for LAME. As in "I Am Lame". I will now probably come out first on a google search of "I Am Lame" which is ridiculously appropriate. I am weak and lame because all I do here is complain. Can't I do anything useful for fuck's sake? I'm pissed off at the world for stupid shit that's mostly my own fault. I'm alone and lonely. Why? Because the woman I really want left me for her stupid fucking job and I don't want to sleep with the most of women who want to sleep with me. The ones I do want to sleep with are either too beautiful and sane to sleep with me or too far away for me to seriously consider a relationship with which is more or less required at my age for good regular sex. All this makes me want to drink or commit suicide which is more or less the same thing except one takes longer than the other. Also I hate my stupid band. Oh, we sound OK and everyone seems to like us but every club we play they say "We don't like your music. so don't come back." What? WTF? Since when do you know anything or give a fuck about MUSIC?!?!?! We bring people out and they drink your overpriced crappy alcohol and as long as we're playing no one leaves. WTF else do you want? Furthermore these dildos can't say what they WANT only that they don't like what we DO. Thanks a lot fucktards. Way to go. Even my problems are weak and lame. That's it? You have your health, your family, your friends, your job, your sobriety, lots of dates, a nice apartment, a new car, lots of beautiful guitars and other musical toys, a fucking YACHT you don't even USE...WTF! What a DICK! Therefore I am weak and lame. Now fuck me.

Transformer Tuesday

Saw The Transformers and The Simpson's movie last night. Both pretty good.
I hate to be a nitpicker (OK I love it) but I would have liked a better explanation of how the kid gets the car. Let's face it, you buy that car for $4000 and there's no VIN and not only is the DMV not putting it on the road but they're asking LOTSA of questions about where that car came from. Just saying.

Funny stuff

I got into a debate about gun control with my therapist.

I'm dating one, not seeing her professionally, but it tickles me to call her "my therapist" especially since my ex was so adamant that I see a therapist for "my problems." Ha!

Me: "When guns are criminalized, only criminals...blah blah blah"
Her: "There's no need to own guns...blah blah blah"

Etc, etc, etc...

Things were getting pretty heated when this exchange occurred:

Her: "It's ridiculous to be having this conversation while sharing this delicious chocolate shake."
Me: "You're right. I don't even own a gun anyway."
Her: "Oh. I do."
Me: "... "

So we had a big laugh over that. Funny stuff I tell you. I'm all talking the talk while I got nothin' to back it up with. She's taking the absolute opposite side of the street but she's cocked locked and ready to rock. Man. Are we meant for each other or what?

Another funny quote from my sister regarding the boyfriend who's not sleeping with her:
"For someone who's not cleaning out my vagina at all he's being quite the douche."

There's a lot more of that type of thing from the weekend but that's enough for now.
Hope your weekend was stellar y'all!

Gentleman Pirate

Well, It's Friday and it's been one FUCK of a weird week. All good I guess, just weird. I got lots of action which has been sorely lacking of late. Apparently once I stopped holding out emotionally for Brenda the flood gates opened. WHOOSH! It's uncannily ironic that one of the reasons Brenda broke up with me (again) is I didn't want to see a therapist. Not that I said NO, just that I wasn't ready YET. Meanwhile I'm now literally SEEING a therapist in the dating sense. She doesn't seem to think I need therapy. In fact she said the thing she liked best about me was what a perfect gentleman I was. What, so I held doors, bought her dinner, held her chair, held her hand and didn't go for the grope? Big deal. I get that compliment a lot actually and usually I say "My momma would slap the taste out of my mouth if I wasn't." because I think that sounds funny but it's not true at all. I behave that way because that's who I am. No one taught me that. I just think it's the right way to behave. Chivalry and good manners are alive and well in my heart. Women and children first and I'd shoot any man trying to go ahead of them. Most men are cowardly dogs these days it seems. A true pirate captain is kind and generous to women and children but give his enemies no quarter nor asks any for himself. Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!

Another Devil HNT

Another blue eyed devil...born to be a God among salesmen, working the skinny tie...slugging down fruit juice...extra tall, extra wide...OK, so my eyes are hazel and hot, hot I'm red hot... If you look on the right you'll see a guitar strap that's actually a belt. It says SPITFIRE on it and I cherish it. I brought it back from Austin with memories of a beautiful woman down there that I love. Meanwhile back in NY... Weirdness! It seems that the more action you're getting the more action you get. Suddenly the phone is ringing off the hook. I don't understand it but I'll take it. Teh FAIL I reported yesterday is apparently wrong since she called to say what fun she had and can we do it all again. Y'all are some strange creatures, all round and soft and utterly inexplicable. HHNT y'all! BTW here's my beautiful new guitar. She needs a name but she's shy and hasn't given it up to me yet. Ursula is black, Mary is natural, Sonya is red, but Blue and Brownie don't have names yet. I've been calling her "Blue" and actually Sonya's been getting called "Red" a lot. I'm so creative sometimes I want to just come in my pants.

FAIL

Well the date I was so excited about was kind of a non-event. I got all dolled up, picked her up and took her out for a lovely Italian meal downtown. The food and service were great and afterward we held hands and strolled down to Union Sq, then I took her home. It was a good time and we got along fine but...no sparks. It was just kind of OK. Nothing terrible, nothing great.
I didn't get the sense that I was getting her wet. My first date with Bren we could both could feel the electricity and the kissing was totally hot. Last night's kiss hello and kiss goodbye were the same; on the lips, no shivers down the spine. I think she enjoyed it and we might go out again but I don't have any high hopes for a long term thing. Not that anything untoward happened but it just feels like FAIL. Oh well. She wasn't as sexy as I remember her being. Maybe because I got fabulously laid the night before? Humph.

How De Keyser Got Him Groove Bach, Mon

Wow. A lot can happen in a 24 hour period. You can get the beautiful guitar you bought online in the mail and fall in love with it. You can call a girl you met at a party and convince her she should have dinner with you the following night. You can go to a Dweezil Zappa concert with your sponsor to celebrate your 300th day of continuous sobriety and have a really great time. You can go to a jam session and watch two of the best local guitarists jam the last jam of the night. You can get thrown out of the place for making out in the ladies' room with the two hottest girls there. You can take them both home with you for an all night threesome. You can drive them home in the morning and leave them off with a kiss and a promise of a return engagement, go home, shower and go off to work like nothing happened. Then you can blog about it. The King Has Returned. God, I missed that bastard!

A question for the ladies

OK. You, my female friends, are probably best qualified to answer this question.

First some background.

I went to a party Saturday night and met this woman Beautiful Shrink who told me she works as a psychologist at NYU. That detail is important so remember it. She was there with a guy Andrew but I could sense there were no sparks happening there. We talked quite a bit and seemed to hit it off. She was making lots of eye contact, touching my arm, my knee. letting her foot touch my leg...definite "I like you" signs. When I walked away my friend's wife said "So are you here with someone?" and she said "Yeah but I think he's going to just be a friend." and the message was clear she was single. As an experiment I said goodbye to some friends and went to leave without saying goodbye to her. She came after me. I gave her my business card and told her to call me the next day if she was going running and I'd join her. She put it in her bra since she had no purse and I left. This sounds like a woman who is interested right? Yesterday, no call. So far today, no call. So I looked her up on the internet. How many Beautiful Shrinks at NYU? One and it's her (they have profiles and it's her picture).

The question: If I call her is it going to creep her out?

My guy friends say DON'T DO IT but if I don't I have no other way to contact her and I might miss the window of opportunity where this beautiful seemingly interested woman my age is single. In my experience a woman will NEVER be the first one to call a man. I guess if she were THAT interested she would have contrived to give me HER number but she WAS there with a date...

Is it so weird and far fetched to say (in effect) "Hey I thought you might have misplaced my card (out of your bra?) so I looked you up at work. I hope you don't mind. Anyway, how about dinner?" Also, should I wait another day or two or just go for it? My instincts say faint heart never won fair lady and I should go for it. I might be a little weirded out but I'd be flattered and she DID tell me her name, what she did and where exactly she worked. Maybe that was a hint? Look me up? Please advise.
UPDATE:
I called her and left a remarkably lucid message.
"Hi this is King Verbal calling for Beautiful Shrink.
Please give me a call when you get this.
Day & Evening Phone #'s...
Have a great day."

I hope y'all were right. More importantly I hope she calls back. I really like this girl. Whatever. It's all just a recipe for more heartbreak either way, right? Just fuckin' shoot me now.

BTW While I was looking for her I discovered something interesting. Taken as a whole the psychologists in NYC are an AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL group of women!!!!! Whoa! I can't think of any other profession that attracts that many gorgeous women except maybe stripper. Hmm.

Weekend Update

Jane you ignorant slut! Wassup peeples? For the few that come by on Mondays I thought I'd post a little update since my last cryptic and depressing message. Once again TLOML (the love of my life) Miss Brenda has decided she needs more time before she can safely fuck me with enough emotional detachment so our big labor day weekend fuckfest is cancelled. Thanks a lot bitch. Thanks for making me tell my mother "Sorry, Brenda's more important than you and your visit." and then leaving me twisting in the breeze again. Way to go. So I was fairly suicidal all weekend. I went to a meeting and some dumb fuck said "Well after 10 years is when it gets REALLY hard." Thanks a lot fuckhead. I'm not even at ten months yet and I'm clawing my fuckin eyeballs out. Dick. Keep that shit to yourself. I met a beautiful, wonderful girl at a party Saturday night. Christie is a psychologist from North Carloina. Man it's love. Alas, I gave her my number and she didn't choose to call so once again I'm totally bummed. She seemed so into me! The gig went mediocre. We got $30 each for a one hour set which is pretty much scale but no one was into it including us so it was kind of depressing and I went home alone again. It's amazing that I haven't gotten drunk or killed myself yet. I had breakfast with a friend in worse shape than me Sunday AM. He's been in NY for like 7 years and hasn't had a girlfriend in that time. Whoa! I can't picture not getting laid for 7 years. HE was not sympathetic to my plight of having options I didn't want. He'd be satisfied with anything. I was unhappy I had no shoes until I met a man with no feet. I gave a guitar lesson this weekend. Made $60 in an hour and got out of myself for a while. That was the most serenity I had all weekend. I'm a big steaming pile of want what I want when I want it. Meh. 296 days today. I gues I should do somehting to celebrate 300 days on Friday but I have a gig so...whatever. Let's see if I can get through today. Tonight I'm blowing off a rehearsal that I need to go see Dweezil Zappa's "Zappa Plays Zappa" schtick. I was drunk when I saw it last. I wonder if it will seem better or worse.

Sometimes you kick, sometimes you get kicked

I'm really tired of getting the shit kicked out of my heart. Really.

Bummer. Fraud.

Well, the first of two new guitars arrived today and it is in fact NOT the guitar I paid $900 for. It's a cheap assed Mexican knockoff. There was no real way to tell from the pictures and I think the woman who sold it to me did so in good faith (believing it to be what the hand written paperwork claimed) but it's not. So I sent her an email and we'll see if I end up totally ripped off or just out the price of the shipping. I'd sure like to see that $900 again... If not I guess it isn't the end f the world. It's hardly a greeat guitar but it's not totally unusable. Maybe I'll light it on fire and smash it at the next show LOL BTW apropos of nothing I really want to drink today. There was this really drunk guy falling all over himself at the show last night and I was disgusted but today my disease is telling me to BE that guy. Sad. I'm just lonely and depressed and I want some love and failing that I want to bash my brains out on the rocks at the bottom of a glass full of alcohol. Welcome to my world.

Hello HNT

On display here is ny new addiction to Coca-Cola Classic. Original formula. Can you even find new Coke anymore? People used to say to me before I quit drinking "Well you wouldn't sit down and drink a case of COKE!" Oh wouldn't I? Yes, apparently I would. SO I desperately need to quit drinking all this soda because it's killing all my gains from the gym last year. I need to find a new local gym and get backl to work. I'll never get laid looking like this!

On display here is my new addiction to buying vintage Fender stratocaster guitars. This is a 1988 reissue of a 1962 strat in a lovely lake placid blue. I spent about $6000 on guitars this year alone. That's more than I spent on guitars in the last 20 years LOL! It's a good thing I'm not married because my wife would kill me. People keep asking me why these guitars. Well for one thing since I switched to Fender American vintage guitars from lame-assed Japanese imports from the 80's my playing got about 1000 times better, literally. For another thing I've tried Gibsons, the other major American brand, and just never found a guitar that suited me. These are light, fast, beautiful, functional and affordable. Mostly affordable. Oh, and they seem to appreciate quite a bit in value. So I now have 5 vintage strats. I plan to buy one more soon. A white one. You may think I'm crazy for wanting the same guitar in red, white and blue but WTF? It'll look cool with them lined up behind me onstage. They're like women, you need a steady and two alternates LOL IF ONLY! The funny thing about that is, like women, I always end up sticking to one. I'm probably going to sell Ursula because I just can't play her anymore. The 57 with the jumbo frets just doesn't feel right. Mary, the 70's style natural finish is my backup guitar now but I might have to sell her too. She's brand new and mint so it should be easy enough. Not that I want to sell these but heck how many can you play at once. I don't want to have them laying around unloved just to increase in value. Instruments are meant to be played. I'm very curious how the brand new sunburst one is going to be. HHNT everyone!