The Gaps

More genius from my a-lister blog friend Hugh McLeod of http://www.gapingvoid.com/

There is power in words and especially names. TSCFELOMY (The So-Called Former Ex-Love Of My Life) will henceforth never be mentioned again on this blog. And if she is she will be referred to as SWMNBN. She Who Must Not Be Named. Oh, for fuck fuck fuckitty fuck's sake!

Sound Advice

I looked so happy in this picture last year but it's because I was drunk. Sometimes I miss the who-gives-a-fuck guy in this picture but I don't miss the extra 30 lbs of beer gut he carried around. Plus, if you look close at the left eye you'll see the real sadness behind the smile.

I deleted a recent post , an open letter to the former so-called love of my life, because it was just too painful to see it here and face what it said and what it meant. However, a good friend pointed out that the mighty and beautiful Sea Rabbit had given me the advice I need the most in a comment she left on the now missing post. That advice was this: Love YOURSELF the way you loved her (more than anything) and love her the way she's been loving YOU (not at all)!

Dude! I hadn't really paid it any mind at the time but that's some great advice right there! When I asked my sponsor how to let her go he said "Pray for her happiness every time you think of her until it doesn't matter to you anymore." He also said that might take a long time. It makes sense though. If I loved her so fucking much I should wish for her happiness. Fuck's sake though! How big do I have to be? Big enough for that apparently. So there you have it kids. I'm over it. I wish her the best, but we're both fucking someone else. She's gone and I'm moving on. OK? OK. BTW in 18 days I will celebrate one year of continuous sobriety and today is 22 days since I had a cigarette. So fucking there! :-)

Very Unhappy Half Nekkid Thursday

I look so happy in this picture don't I? Unfortunately it's a Very Unhappy Half Nekkid Thursday for me. I am seriously not well. I am a majorly fucked up fuckin mess. I had written a pretty long post with a new picture of the cause of my distress but it made me feel so bad I had to erase it. I wish you all the best.

New Tattoo

This is quite similar to my new tattoo. I was doodling tattoos on napkins with The Good Doctor in a bar some weeks ago and hit on a design something like this, except in dark blue ink and a bit less symmetrical in the flames. I've had the napkin kicking around for a while now and yesterday finally brought it to the tattoo place up here where they said $60 and about an hour to do it. I'm getting it on my left pec above the nipple (which I'm probably going to get pierced soon). I'm totally heartbroken right now thinkng about the woman I love with someone else's dick in her mouth and I need some physical pain to distract me from the emotional pain I'm feeling right now. I really deserve no sympathy though because I bring this shit on myself. I know what she's like. This is what she does. The surprise is that I continue to love her when she does it.

Alan Haynes

This is Alan Haynes, Texas Strat man. Do yourself a favor. Go to his MySpace page and listen to his two tunes. I saw this guy in Auston last year and he was BALLS OUT AWESOME.
He was casually walk around chatting with people while effortlessly musically RIPPING. Truly burning up the guitar neck. Pretty good singer too in a laid back kind way. CHECK. IT. OUT.
In case you missed the hyperlinks here it is again: http://www.myspace.com/alanhaynes
If you are a lover of the blues you WILL dig it. You heard it here first.

Pulled Over!

Well, I may have mentioned there's a downside to being sober and that is I now drive like a crazy person. I do violence to the letter and spirit of every traffic law daily. The only surprising thing about being pulled over was that it took so long. At 2:30 AM coming home from the recording studio I was easily doing 70 in a 30. Admittedly there was no one on the road but me and the cop. I was polite, I was respectful, I was legal (paperwork-wise) and most importantly I was sober. And...he lemme go! I almost said out loud "You're kidding!" I'm mean, driver, I was FLYIN. He must have not had radar. So there ya go. There's no substitute for being sober when you get pulled over for driving like a nut. He was lookin for trouble, too. What's in the box (nothing) what WAS in the box (change) what's under the hat (nothing) MOVE the hat (see? nothing) On Your Way Buddy. Phew! Oh yeah, the REASON I was coming home so late is I was FINALLY finishing the CD I've been working on for so long. 'Twill be for sale SOON! Happy Friday!

HNT 920

I bought a book by Men's Health Magazine called Amazing Abs. Besides a host of awesome excercises it has ABS DIET POWER. That's Almonds, Beans, Spinach, Dairy, Instant oatmeal, Turkey (& other lean meat), Peanut butter, Olive oil, Whole grains, Extra protein powder(whey) and Rasberries (& other berries) . The acronym is a bit of a stretch. Eat 6 times a day, 400 calories at a shot (that's 2200 calories a day). You can see my core is coming togeher in this pic. I'm stil carrying a little fat low on my gut but the 32 inch jeans fit last night for the first time in many years. Yay! HHNT y'all!

Talk Like A Pirate

What kind of Pirate am I? I scored as a Captain Jack Sparrow. What a surprise. "You are definitely quirky and often mistaken for mad but if anyone is truly paying attention they can see there is method to your madness. You try really hard to be bad but in the end you tend to do the right thing." Yup, that's me. What kind of Pirate are you?


Arrr! It be Talk Like A Pirate Day again! http://www.talklikeapirate.com/ Everyone be bloggin it and talkin it up with their best pirate accent, arr! Especially http://www.savagechickens.com/ arr! By the way my new tattoo is going to be a variation of this Jolly Roger Icon, Arr! I be hoping y'all will like it! Also, tomorrow shall be another gym based HNT possibly featuring Lilly the Lake Placid Blue Fender Stratocaster. Arr! It be hard to say that with a pirate accent! Arr!

A few favorite things

Apropos of nothing here's a picture of Bettie Page with a panther chasing a mouse down her back. I'm a huge fan of the stockings, gloves and heels. In fact all things Bettie Page pretty much rock. Since I have nothing much to report today I wanted to share some of my favorite things with you. In no special order, check these out:
www.savagechickens.com/
http://www.goats.com/
http://www.gapingvoid.com/
http://www.fluxfire.com/
http://www.photoblog.com/fireflymairi/
http://icanhascheezburger.com/
And remember: Tomorrow, Sept 19th is Talk Like a Pirate Day!
http://www.talklikeapirate.com/

Decadence

Well it was quite a weekend. Drove to Dover and spent the weekend doing what I do best with a woman I can't understand. So apparently there's no commitment but we can see each other and have awesome sex from time to time. Ummm...OK! TOTALLY blew my diet. Pancakes! Syrup! French fries! Pasta! Gah!!!! However, my bad behavior notwithstanding, my 34 inch waist jeans are quite loose this morning so not too bad. I'm back on the "no grain and train" schedule. I'm going to have a model's body this year or bust.
So I got back after driving like a crazy person and did the Sunday gig. The doctor came and...wait for it...broke up with me. Remarkably, I couldn't have cared less. I was like 'Yeah, whatever. It's been fun. Bye." I'm glad I didn't buy her a big expensive fancy dinner and THEN have her blow me off. That's totally her style but whatever. She said "Well, you said you had driven many women crazy and I can totally see that happening to me so..." I think she's just commitment phobic and I said so. I don't need any more crazy in my life. Buh bye. I'm kinda relieved. I didn't like her that much to begin with. Let me rephrase that. I really liked her a lot but physically the attraction was less that it might have been.

Hey! It's Buddy Holly!

Thanks for all your nice comments on my picture yesterday. Me loves you lots. Today I present you a picture of the fabulous Buddy Holly. The original Stratocaster advocate in rock and roll, Holly died at age 22 in a plance crash with Ritchie Valens (La Bamba) and The Big Bopper (Chantilly Lace). Who doesn't know that already? Whatever. Click here for Buddy's story. I'm listening to his "greatest hits" record. 22 hit songs by the time he was 22 years old. Jeebus!

Me and my Baby HNT

I know, I promised hot and sexy pictures for HNT this week, but I'm shy. I hope you like this one. If asked nicely I might send you some of the more revealing pics that didn't make the cut this week. Yes, I love to hear you beg LOL "Please oh please baby, NOW!

Ahem...

That's Grace, the newest addition to the stable. Say hello to the nice people Gracie. She's a bit shrill at times and quite loud. She lends an even sharper edge to my already overly aggressive playing style but she can be tender too. Sonja is still my # 1 but she was in last weeks and we have to welcome the new girl. Next week we'll showcase Lilly. See below for the rest.

News: I've been outed. Apparently the Halifax racers found this site. The one I still talk to found my rather biting comments amusing but apparently the recipients of my derision did not share his amusement though apparently they didn't have the minerals to mention it. I started this anonymous blog to be able to vent without naming names and hurting feelings but at the end of the day if you look for trouble here you'll find it. I'm not sorry. Those guys deserve my disdain. Quitters Never Win.

Bitter Irony: When someone gives you shit about how you MIGHT be fucking someone else and then confesses they ARE fucking someone else...ah, forget it. At least I got my guitars. HHNT!

Meet The Girls

Here we have my three main guitars. They are 80's 1962 Reisssues named Red, Whitey and Blue AKA Sonja, Grace and Lilly. They're also my most recent aquisitions. Red was $1400, Grace was $1800 and Lilly was $2250. I hate to play favorites but Red is far and away the best I've ever played. When my guitar tech saw her for the first time he said "HOLY SHIT that neck is straight!" and he sees thousands of guitars a year. So yeah, she's bitchin. Blue probably plays second best of the lot. Here's the whole collection (not including my 80's Ibanez since it isn't a Fender nor really usable.

At the top (left to right) we have NoName, Mary and Ursula. NoName was supposed to be a 2007 American '62 RI but I have my doubts. I haven't been able to confirm it yet but I think she's Mexican. Not a player's guitar. Price $900 on eBay. Mary is a 2006 USA 1970 RI Price $1500. Ursula, who was my first Fender and main squeeze for years until I met Sonja, is an '86 1957 RI with a maple neck (all the others are rosewood necks). She started the whole thing in 1996 or so. Price $700. That model sold on eBay this week for $3500. I guess you could call this a collection hunh? Grace turned out to be Vintage white, not Olympic white, so she's more yellowish than white. I'm a bit disappointed in that but not enough to send her back. So I want an Olypic white one. I'm not crazy about the pastel colors, Fiesta Red, Seafoam Green and Sonic Blue. I kind of like the dark Sherwood Green. I want a two tone AND a three tone Sunburst and maybe a Gold and Silver one to round out the collection. I like the custom colors, especailly Cherry Sunburst. I've been thinking about building a strat from parts. Franken strat in some crazy color... TOmorrow's HNT (which I already took) is awesome. You gonna like.

Howlin Wolf

Continuing with my recent themes of wolves, hell hounds on my trail and the blues here's an iconic photograph of the amazing Howlin' Wolf AKA Chester Arthur Burnett (June 10, 1910 – January 10, 1976). When I think of the blues this is the guy whose voice I hear in my head. Click HERE for the Wikipedia article on his life. Click HERE for the official homepage with his bio, DVDs, CD, etc, etc, etc.. Nothing I could write about the guy could improve on what's already been said on this links BUT you should read the links because let me tell you this guy is THE SHIT.

Meanwhile I'm feelin alright for a guy with two hours sleep. I'm on an insane manic run here. It's been many days of running full blast. I'm down to 176 lbs. My abs are, well, visible! I'm getting cut! Buff even! I really want to take a shitload of pictures of me as different characters with this new bod. I want to play guitar in biker boots, tight jeans, a leather vest, tattoos, mirror shades and my cowboy hat. I want every girl in the bar to purr, sweat and cream their jeans. Oh yes.

***Photo by Ray Flerlage 2231 East 67th Street 13C, Chicago, IL 60649, USA.

Here's to the victims of 9/11. May the Lord bless and keep you.

Two Wolves

An old Cherokee chief is teaching his grandson about life: "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego. The other wolf is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too." The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?" The old chief simply replied, "The one you feed."

Well, it was a busy weekend. What happened? I dunno. Friday I drove into the city and dropped off my babies at the doctor for their checkup. Went by the head doctor's office and took her home but we were both tired so we didn't go out. Saturday I lounged about most of the day trying to recover from my cold and finally went and got th doc. We came back to my place, watched some of a lame movie, fooled around and went to bed. Woke up early, fooled around some more, went sailing, went into the city, I played for a few hours then came home. The whole sober AND not smoking thing is, I dunno, weird.

I seem to be making some progress with medatation. I've been having some odd physical and mental feelings in that space with my higher power. Imagine the feeling of leaning back in your chair when you start to go over but without the fear or the fall. Rather like leaning out over the abyss and being held up by invisible hands. Perhaps not an apt description but as close as I can come.

Lately I've noticed that words and language are WOEFULLY inadequate for so much of the human experience. You really can't talk about Love, God, Spirit or Feelings of almost any sort in any sensible way. It's all via analogy and piss poor analogy at that! Weird. You'd think after all these centuries we'd have better ways to talk about this stuff. Hmm. Well Happy Monday.

The Gearjammers Jamming

Not the greatest picture ever but compositional kind of interesting. We don't look TOO bad! I still feel like crap but am hopng to recover so the weekend isn't a total loss. It would have been nice to get a littel action at least. I'm supposed to bring in my guitars for a setup job and I don't know if I feel up to it. Thing is I need it done for the gig Sunday. Oh yeah, if you're in NYC Sunday come to Cafe Blu 7th street and 2nd ave and check out Live Blues with The Gear Spanners...

Still Sick

Yep, I feel like total crap. Felt the cold coming on Wendesday and sure enough it's been on full blast since Wednesday night. I took the opportunity to quit smoking which always makes that shit much worse. There's no sick like dope sick and nicotine is no exception. Whatever. I'm out of paid time off (and that means no sick days) until October so I'm at work toughing it out and hating it. At least I got my new wireless network (and hence my cellphone) working at home. That no reception thing was sucking. Viva la T-mobil.

Sick! AGAIN!

Yes, I'm sick again. Fucking ridiculous. Probably caught it at the gym. Anyway I need to quit smoking so here's another opportunity. Hopefully I can master the depression THIS time. I'm in the groove of working out now so hopefully the enhanced dopamines, endorphins and seratonin will keep me from throwing myself in front of a train. I felt too crappy to take a new HNT pic but I'm looking really good right now if I say so myself. I'm hovering around 185 lbs but all the muscles are TIGHT. I've been focusing on doing everything as a cardio workout which is really working on my torso. I came up with a bitchin quote today as part of my students lesson. When he said 'This is probably a pipe dream" I said "We are limited only by the size of our dreams and our determination to manifest them into reality." Thanks to Susie for the inspiration for that.

BOUGHT!

OK, much has been said in this space about my insane and addictive behavior. Here we have the latest example of that. A 1990 reissue of a 1962 Fender stratocaster. Olympic white with a rosewood neck. $1800. It looks kind of yellow, but that's what happens to Olympic white with age. If you want real white you have to get arctic white. Um...yeah. So now I have a Fender Stratocaster for each day of the week. Average price $2000. Total spent on guitars for the calendar year of 2007? $12,000. Holy cow. I'd better start paying these off and right quick! It's actually my plan to sell a few of these (hopefully at a profit) to finance the cost of the rest and offset the interest on the associated credit cards. One hopes. I may not have the love of my life but I have a bitchin guitar collection God dammit! It could be worse. I could be buying massive quantities of alcohol and have nothing to show but a swollen liver and a broken heart. Viva la resistance! Oh, and since Os is hosting Dorky Tuesday, consider this my entry since clearly I am a guitar collecting dork.

Hold Onto My Broken Heart

I haven't posted anything from Valerie Milovic @ www.fluxfire.com in awhile. She's a mixed media artist in L.A. whose work I just love. It makes me so sad but it really gets right to that place where art connects. Not like "Oh, nice painting." but like "OMFG I FEEL THAT! GAH!"Anyway...I bought a book called 'This Is Your Brain On MUsic" which is a neuroscientific exploration into music, it's effects and so forth. A little light reading. I had alot of sex this weekend which should make me happy. OK, it made me happy but truth be told I'm still thinking of Brenda. No matter how much I like The Good Doctor (or anyone else for that matter) the fact is that I'm still hung up on this woman that I think is the love of my life. I was pretty manic all last week and I'm feeling a little depressed today. I'm hoping that this is the crash and that it isn't going to get a lot worse. I worked out a lot over the weekend and I'm pretty happy with the results. I'm looking pretty buff. I guess maybe I'll post some evidence and see what you all think. I'm really sorry I closed the original blog. I miss all my readers. I used to get 60 comments on HNT. Now I get like 6 LOL Not that I'm a comment whore (much) but I liked having a large group of people to bounce things off. Oh well.