I look happy but I'm not. Once again (what's this, the 4th or 5h time now?) Brenda out of the clear blue sky said "We're just too different. We can't get married ." When pressed for more detail it became obvious that, while fearful, I was willing to give up EVERYTHING in my life here in NY for her and she is will to give up exactly NOTHING. So I surrendered. I wished her well, said goodbye and hung up the phone. What else was I supposed to do, make a scene? I've had it with all that drama. I love the girl but clearly she is fucked up and no amount of bending over backwards is going to make her able to commit. I should be relieved. That was clearly a recipe for a disasterous marriage but I'm still pretty sad over it. For the first time in my life I was really looking forward to getting married and starting a family but apparently that is not to be. I went to a lot of bars in the last few days but I just can't seem to make myself drink. I WANT to get good and drunk but...I dunno. If I give up my sobriety now it means I did it for her and not me. I'm not willing to accept that no matter how much it hurts. I could sure use a good blow job though if anyone feels like volunteering. H-fuckin-HNT.
13 comments:
Oh, I wish I could ease your pain. Can't fly to NY for that BJ, but would if I could honey. Keep your spirits up (and stay away from the spirits)! HHNT!
aww hun, i am sorry to hear that, but as you said it would have been a recipie for disaster, a bj would make it go away for that moment but unless you can get a bj 24/7 all i can offer ya is a shoulder(wait what guy wouldn't want a 24/7 bj lol)
happy hnt hun, it will get better
You have such a nice smile!
I am sorry things didn't work out for you, but it sounds like you did do the right thing and that's not always easy. Although you are hurting now, you probably have saved yourself from a whole lotta hurting later...
Happy HNT...and take care.
HNT Hugs for you!!
It sounds like it was the right thing to do
Keep your sobriety and be proud
Feel the pain, it will get easier as time goes on
One of these HNTers might fall for you BJ request, keep your chin up!
*hugs* Babe,
HER LOSS
And better to find this out now, than later. Question marks are raised when you say you were willing to give up everything, and it still wasn't enough for her. That's not what a good relationship/marriage is about. It's about BOTH being willing to give 100% to each other. And it being so one sided right there says to me that you can do better.
Love the pic though :)
HappyHNT......
xo
damn, i wish i could say i'm surprised by her behavior. nonetheless i am genuinely sorry for your pain. i do recognize you made HUGE changes for her sake.
i'm glad you haven;t tossed away sobriety. THAT is too valuable, no matter what motivated you to take the first step...you've taken so many since then. keep walkign the walk!
HHNT and hugs, friend....
I am so sorry that you are hurting, I hate that kind of hurt, the wanting someone that doesn't want you back. Bah! And NO NO NO, don't go out drinking, that'll just serve to hurt you even further.
Be well.... keep busy.. and forget about her... her loss!
I'm sorry that you're having to go through this. I suppose it's better to know it's not going to work out now rather than after you got married, but that's not much consolation in the midst of the mourning. Stay sober, though. Even though it kinda sucks it will kinda suck more if you drink. If this didn't work out, there's something better out there. Can't help ya with the bj but there are always memories, aren't there?
Love Ya!!!xoxoxo
<--raises hand...I'll volunteer!!!
On my way!
You sound so damn healthy...makes me glad even more that we are friends.
hugs, baby.
ps hate the haircut.
I agree that there is something better coming for you... turn the page... there is nothing more to do... imo... and if you think too much about what could have be, you may miss what is coming next...
Courage!
Happy HNT!
If you think you feel bad now, you'd feel a whole lot worse in the morning if you gave in to the temptation.
Stay strong and keep smiling. Things will turn out ok. x
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